A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship for the past 7 months. We have had our ups and downs but things are good now. He says he loves me and I love him. I am somewhat insecure about the relationship and we have both had some trust issues because of past relationships. We both took our profiles off of a dating site to prove to one another that we are exclusive. We have had disagreements in the past and have gotten back together just recently. When he was overseas he wrote me an email and told me he missed me and we've been talking since that time so I'm assuming we are back together. But, we have not had the chance to see each other because he was sick with the flu, when he got home from overseas and then his work is very demanding. He's been home for two weeks now and hasn't found time to meet me. He works from 7 am -6 pm and gets up at 4 am to take the train in the morning so his free time is taken with his kids, chores, and other things. Basically I'm not a priority which I'm fine with at this point in time. He is in law enforcement is divorced and has 4 daughters which keep him quite busy as well. He told me today that he has to leave unexpectedly out of the country again for his job. This is not unusual. Although he was supposed to leave after the holiday. So, now his travel has been extended. When this happens he is not really able to talk too me because he has to prepare for his trip, he gets in the "zone" and has tunnel vision and can only focus on his mission. Plus the fact that he has to leave at such short notice I would just be adding more stress to an already stressful situation.My concern is this, I don't want to come off as needy or desperate, at this point, so I don't want to ask him about our relationship or where we stand. We haven't had the chance to have a face to face but I want to be sure that we are on the same page, in the same chapter, and in the same book per se. I feel like I have been very patient in waiting for him to see me but I'm getting very impatient. Should I wait until he contacts me or should I put myself out on a limb and email him my feelings? Email because that is our form of communication when he is out of the country and because of his work.Thanks for your input.
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female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (23 November 2013):
 I have my doubts that this guy is on the up and up. Did you originally meet him online? Besides his say so have you any reason to believe he does work in law enforcement? And what branch of the law that requires him to travel so frequently abroad and on such short notice?
Have you met his friends and family? For more than a few minutes? And what happens to his children during his frequent absences? Given the amount of time he claims to spend with them I'm guessing they're not quite old enough to be left alone for days or weeks at a time?
His story seems a bit contrived to me. You're at the bottom of his list of priorities and he concocts this outlandish superhero-on-a-secret-mission tale to stop you from asking too many questions.
Whether he's genuine or fake, I don't see what sending him an emotional email is going to accomplish. If he's being honest then the demands on his time won't change because of your feelings. On the other hand a sudden and drastic change in his schedule right at the moment you're threatening to leave would certainly raise my suspicions.
And something else...there is a difference between understanding that someone has other obligations and being content to languish at the bottom of the list.
Clearly you are not a priority to this man and that isn't enough for you to be happy.
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