A
female
age
30-35,
*quares
writes:Hello Agony Aunts and Uncles,Please help me. I have been having serious doubts about my relationship for some time, but instead of acting on these feelings and breaking off the relationship I worry that perhaps I'm giving up the love of my life. You see there are times, when I see him and am around him, where I feel like I could love no other man as much as I love him. Recently he moved away for school, he's stared making new friends (the closest of which are girls...I'm a little jealous.)I feel like I have to show them up in order to win him over again, even though he's assuring me they don't matter like that. But he looks so happy with them, he parties with them (he never did with me...)he smiles round them like he used to with me. We don't talk nearly as much as we used to and I feel like I'm always waiting around in case he calls, and I'm sick of it. When I go out with friends I find myself discovering new and interesting people who genuinely seem to care what I think and say. The more people I meet, the more I realize he really doesn't have very much to say to me and I'm not stimulated or satisfied with us anymore.I don't know how this could have happened. He's a good man, the best kind of man, sweet and kind and caring. Constantly apologetic though, and a little inconsiderate, but no one is perfect. Once I would have married him had he asked. But what's happened?Are we too young for long distance commitment? Am I the problem in our relationship? Am I overthinking all this? I just want to have fun in my youth, and it frightens me to think that perhaps if I marry him his work and his needs will always come before mine and we won't have fun. I don't want to be unhappy in my life, nor do I want to lose the "one". What should I do? What's wrong with me?Please help,Squares
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female
reader, LethalInjection-x  +, writes (7 September 2009):
 It could be that you fear breaking off the relationship because he is everything that is familiar to you. Steady relationships provide comfort and are a constant in your life, so it's hard to give them up.. even when things are no longer working.
The jealousy you feel could either be because you love him, or because you're naturally a jealous person, or because you see him as "yours".. which is only right.
I don't think age is an issue. I believe that if you really are meant to be together, then you can overcome issues like distance, age, studying etc. Some might say that if you're meant to be.. that even if you split up you will come together in the end. This does happen, but personally, I think if you split up with him.. it's inevitable that you'll both change and grow apart as people, so it's important that you don't think you'll have someone to go back to should other things not work out.
You can never over think something like this. If you're not happy, which you clearly aren't, then there's a problem somewhere. &One way or another it needs to be solved. You're entitled to enjoy yourself while you're young, and I believe this is what causes most long term relationships with young people. If you let the relationship affect how you spend your time too much.. you could end up resenting him and the relationship in the long run.
Talk to him, particularly about how you don't want to lose your youth because of a relationship. You both need to seriously talk about how you feel about each other. If you're still at loss, you could perhaps try a trial separation or a "break", to see how things go when you're free so to speak. That's usually an indicator x
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