A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid.I'm at university and im having a good time although im at a bit of a loss of what to do. Im finding myself falling for one of my housemates (whos also female), we are very close and in a friendship group who are deciding to live together next year.We got together in the first week and ive liked her since then (4 months ago), but we just came out of long term relationships so it died out for a bit, and then i told her i liked her a couple of months later she said the same but obviously it wasnt practical.She told our mutual gay male friend that she liked me, and she felt this way over christmas and when we got back we got together again, it was so nice and we have loads of fun but after a couple of times of her staying over i tried to initiate it one night and she said she didnt think it was a good idea and we had a chat about it.Things died off for a couple of weeks then they happened AGAIN. This time it felt/feels slightly different. She asked me to come home with her this weekend to meet her parents, she tells me im amazing, and we keep meeting up the two of us without the rest of the group. She has also said she is scared of girls and doesnt seem to elaborate on this.Issue is, because she has rejected me twice before i find it hard not to play a bit more hard to get with her. For example, going to bed early so that it leaves her little opportunity to come into my room. Today and last night she acted really cold and distant and has been talking to me about a crush on a guy, im so confused! Is this her responding to me not trying it on with her? She also doesnt text me anymore when we go out together which she used to, she only texts me 'where are you all?!', rather than me personally. Is this her playing hard to get or just viewing me as a friend?Realistically this can only end in tears, but i like her a lot, and i cant work out if she likes me too or if im just there so she takes it up? Although us getting together has been mainly all her efforts as i said im terrified of her rejection so i do little to instigate the flirting. Last term she slept with a lot of people but this term she has stopped it, i still dont think shes over her ex boyfriend, im not over my ex girlfriend either but id like to see where things can go. The hardest thing about it is that no body knows, i cant tell anyone, and it eats me as i have to spend so much time with this girl. Should i just walk away? and if so, how? because i cant be distant from her without being distant from the rest of my friends. We've had two honest chats about how we feel now, but it feels so much closer this time and im scared about talking to her because i dont want to be rejected for the third time. We havent gotten together in a couple of nights and im not sure if shes waiting for me, or if she just doesnt want to.Im really sorry about the length of this question, i've tried to keep it as short as possible but a lot has happened! Thank you very much for reading this.
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christmas, crush, ex girlfriend, flirt, her ex, my ex, text, university Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2009): So true. I'm sorry, by the time i relied to the question, i forgot that you lived with her. lol
Just act like you are her friend. If she tries to get close to you, then tell her that, you have found someone else, and you want her to stop messing around, because you found someone to be serious with. You don't have to lose any of your friends. Just make it clear to her that all you want to be is friends, nothing more. Tell her you are sick of her games, and you found someone that is willing to be serious, and you need to move on with your life. She will eventually get the picture when she doesn't get as much attention from you as she usually gets. Just move on with your life, with or without her there.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much for both your responses. They are very helpful, perhaps a little hard to hear though.
How would you suggest walking away from her when in such close proximities? We have the same friends, we eat together, go out together, i have to see her all the time. Do i have to sacrifice my friends to walk away? Its so hard to move on when you get no space.
Thank you very much again!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2009): I don't think she knows what she wants. You should walk away and find someone else. It seems like you have already told her and has made it obvious that you have feelings for her. The rest is up to her. If you want to avoid getting hurt then walk away from her. Maybe when she knows you have moved on, she will finally know what she missed out on, and will finally decide on what she wants romantically. She seems to be messing around to much, maybe she is after having fun, and not seriously committing to a relationship. After she realized that she missed out on something good with someone who really cared about her, she will start to be more serious about her emotions.You should walk away from her, and find someone new.
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A
female
reader, Slitmywristsforgrief +, writes (2 February 2009):
Are you sure you're not just mixing up your feelings. You might be confused between how much you love your friend as a friend, and thinking that you want to have a sexual relationship with her. Of maybe you see sure about being gay... If so, just be honest with her. If she's had boyfriends then dot be surprised if she doesn't want to do this with you. Talk to her and tell her everything. Flirt. Hug. Look at her with loving eyes. Be yourself. Be strong.
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