A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I met each other having both come out of long term relationships 3 years ago, him a marriage with 2 kids and me long term partner no children. We are both 40 years old now. We discussed having children about 1 year into the relationship and he was reluctant and I was unsure, now we had another discussion and he says no and I also feel no because I think it's too late for me from a medical point of view.The problem is I now feel I don't see the point of having physical intimacy because I don't really feel like it and also we're not going to try for a baby.We might as well just be friends (and we do get on well) and I have even thought of leaving him because it's not fair to im, he is enthusiastic about physical intimacy, so it's not fair to him.Should I let him go?
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male
reader, Spanky25  +, writes (29 February 2012):
My wife and I are 41 now. I married her because I knew she would be a great mother/wife ( her mother past away at age 31). I married my best friend. After years of tring, we then tried invitro. That did not work either. SHE gave me the option to leave and find a woman I can start a family with. 13 years later, we are still married. Our life goals changed. We now talk about early retirement and a vaca home.
Even though we can't have kids, I married the most caring/affectionate woman. As far as sex, well what guy does not aways want more?
However, if she was not intimate with me, I would have not stuck around. She understands a "mans" needs.
I guess my point being, there is more to love, sex, relationships than just having kids.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2012): iwhen I was 42 I got married again and desperately wanted a child. My new husband already had three children from multiple mothers and did not want anymore. I was very upset by this and went off sex totally as I felt if I was good enough to have sex with why was I not good enough to procreate with especially since as I saw it he had not been averse to having children as he already had so many. This created many many rows and bitterness set in with me and I refused point blank to have sex unless it was going to be for the sole reason of making a child. I manipulated him terribly because I wanted a baby so badly. He told me he felt that I really only married him as I wanted a sperm donor but that wasn't the case as I only wanted a baby with him. Anyway long story short we broke up and now too late for me to have kids. I think you need to put your own needs first here and move on quickly. Like with my husband because he already has them having kids will not be a prioriy to him so you need to let go and find someone else who feels like you do.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 February 2012):
 IF you truly believe that physical intimacy between adults is only for the act of procreating then I think you should let him go as that’s not how most adults feel.
IF you are not feeling it because you are afraid of getting pregnant, and know that you no longer want children then fix that problem and perhaps you will want to have sex again and then you can make this work.
IF you have never had desire for him and were only doing it to have a baby then let him go.
IF you truly think that the ONLY reason folks have sex is to make babies and you don’t’ want to have this disordered thinking then you should get some counseling to overcome this erroneous belief and perhaps you can salvage the relationship.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 February 2012):
 Do you " not feel like it " period, or ," do not feel like it because if we are not trying for a baby there's no point in sex " ?
It's a bit different. If it's the first , there may be various reasons, - from depression to hormonal inbalances to not being ( or not having ever been ) physically attracted to him anymore, and I don't think we can say anything helpful in lack of some more background about yourself and your relationship.
If it's the second, counseling may help, because what you feel would come from some mental warped perception of reality , like " sex is only for procreating, without that is something wrong / dirty / unpleasant / painful etc. " Have you always felt like that , or it's a new thing ?
Were you interested in sex before meeting this guy ? How did you feel about sex before trying for babies ( assuming there must have been a time in your younger years when you where not trying for a baby, in fact you were trying NOT to conceive ) ?
Should you let him go ?... Well, for fairness'sake , you should, you are depriving him of something that's important in a couple. But, it depends how much you love him, how much you'd want things to change, and how much effort you would put into making changes once assessed that changes are possible...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2012): Do you really want to let him go? Someone who you have a good relationship with is worth making an effort for. Any other man you meet will also be looking for a physical relationship too, so is it your intention to be on your own? Try, if you can, to rethink your attitude to sex. It can be about closeness, tenderness and affection - not just 'making babies'.
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (28 February 2012):
 HI
I have just spoken about this situation from a different perspective. Do you love him? if so have you thought about couples therapy? Alot of women can feel like this, ( if we are not getting anything from this i.e a baby whats the point) The point I feel is closeness, intamacey, two souls connecting. There is more to making love than just having a baby. If you feel your too old for a baby now , and he dont want another child, why leave eachother? why not work on having a healthy sex life before you walk away from something that could be wonderful?
Mandy x
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