A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Here was my situation a few months ago:My girlfriend confessed to cheating on me by saying that she's developed feelings for another guy, who also happens to be an old friend of mine. He knows that i and her are in a relationship but even then she was attracted to him after he said that he had been in "love" with her since a long time. All this happened just 3 weeks ago. She never told me about this until 2 days ago and she told me that she even said she "loved" him. To my questions like why do you still want to continue talking to him when you know that you love me and want to stay with me, she says it's a crazy thing she wants to do but can't stop herself from doing it even though she wants to. She wants me to "let her off" just this once as she really wants to meet him. I ask her why, she answers "i don't know".Everyday she texts and calls him and tells whatever I tell her about how i feel about all this and she tells me about whatever they talk about and their plans and stuff. She also told me that they were gonna meet up in Jan and she has made up her mind to meet him no matter what. When asked why she doesn't have this firmness in being committed to me, she says she doesn't know why! Asked why she says she "loves him" back every single day, she says she doesn't really mean it but says it only because he wants her to say it back to him!I am being deeply hurt every single moment and i'm not even sure how i should react anymore. We have shared and been through so many things and i never ever thought some guy could just come and take away everything we had in just 3 weeks! sigh. she says she'll never do this again but wants to meet him this time no matter what. She used the phrase "we decided" when i asked her how and when did u decide all of this without me knowing anything. Made me feel like a third unimportant person.please help me out. should i let her see him and bear with it till January?! isn't it disgusting for my girl to see and have feelings for another guy when she still says she loves me? isn't what she's doing wrong? should i let her see him and wait till jan? she doesn't answer when i ask her to end whatever it is with him right now but says she will never ever do this again after meeting him. I am really confused.Here is my situation now:Shortly after we broke up, she kept begging me to take her back and I finally agreed to when she said she wouldn't do such a thing again. It was fine for a while until just 2 weeks ago... she didn't respond to any of my calls or texts. I thought this might be the case as her dad was around and since he is strict she wouldn't have been able to reply. But I tried calling her up the day she was in college and she kept cutting my calls. After I persistently asked, she admitted to cheating AGAIN! this was not it. This had never stopped. Basically, she had two guys. I was the "bf" and there was also another guy. I just didn't know until 2 weeks ago. I called it off. I couldn't speak to anyone for some days. I couldn't talk to anyone about this since my family is a little strict about getting into relationships at this age. But I really wonder what went wrong. Is this normal for girls to do this?! Am I of no significance?! Or is she made of stone and deprived of feelings?! Nobody has any idea how deeply hurt I am. This will affect my whole life. But I still love her! Why do I feel this for her?! Why can't I let go of her?! You know what she says, we should be just friends for now.. and when I'm more mature we will have what we had, again. Is this possible and is this right?! She says she needs to try out other guys but she won't get physical or anything like that it seems. But how can I trust her?! She cheated on me twice or God knows how many times! But I still keep drifting back to her. Please help me! What should I do? Should I wait for her till she matures? Should I move on? I feel no one can replace her.. but at the same time she has hurt me so much.. I have trouble figuring myself out. That's why I am here. She says she is not serious about the other guy but only wants some time off and try others. She wants to know what its like! what the hell is this?! Should I accept her later by clinging onto her as friends, as she puts it, or should I just get on with my life? Everyday, all the time she is on my mind and it kills me that she is with another guy talking about things we used to, behaving with him like she used to with me... I want to end my problems here. I don't want my love life to be this difficult. Please help me.
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broke up, cheated on me, move on, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, krunkqueen  +, writes (11 December 2010):
your to young to be worrying about this .. as much as it hurts you should move on to someone who will treat you alot better then your current girlfriend
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for the advise.
@You wish: Do you think that there's no hope at all? of her changing as she matures, I mean. Women are supposed to mature with age right? I didn't expect her do this at 19! but isn't there any hope?
Every morning I think of not texting her or keeping in touch. But it's so hard to do so. Any ideas to prevent me from keeping in contact? Why is it hard for me to let go of her and why isn't it so for her?! Was I the only one who loved her all along?!
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (10 December 2010):
 Honestly, there's only one thing you can do at this point. You need to end things with her for good. In fact, you should have ended it as soon as she asked you to "let her off", so to speak. She dropped you for someone she has never even met yet? Sorry, but she doesn't respect you or your feelings.
Yes, this is going to hurt you for some time to come, but you'll actually recover faster than you think you will if you cut off all contact with her. No "friends", no checking in on her, nothing. You need to cleanse your heart of her.
She is a serial cheater. She needs men's attentions to feed her ego and sense of self-worth. I'm sure she is not made of stone, and her deeds will come back to bite her before long.
But you've gotta let go. YOUR ego wants to heal itself by not believing that she can cheat on you, and you're desperately holding out hope that she will come to her senses, drop all other men, and cherish you adoringly. Unfortunately, you can't hold out hope that she will ever change.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2010): She is unfaithful to you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2010): Hey man ive been in a similar situation and the best thing for you to do is to never talk to her again completely girls like this are in it only for the attention and thats why she went after this guy because he was someone who gave her alot of attention this what we call an "attention whore" the reason being that they'll run off with any guy that gives them alotta attention this is a really unhealthy thing to be caught up in because it cause alotta mental stress and anguish from what youve said here i can tell your a real stand up guy and you deserve alot better then what this chick has to offer and yah the first couple of weeks ignoring her will be hard but its the best way to deal with this cause girls like this never like to stay commited they like to accumulate guys and keep them off to the side as "freinds" never going back to being romantically involved with them but never letting them go be romantically involved with anyone else so my suggestion would be to delete her number forget about her entirely and ignore all her attempts to contact you shes simply trying to use you for the attention and for the first while ignoring her she will probably become desperate because she realizes shes losing u. i wish you all the best bro you deserve ALOT better then this chick so just get rid of her and find yourself a girl who will treat you right before you get hurt even more.
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