A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 19 years old and 6 weeks pregnant. My uni course starts in 2 weeks where i will be studying Law. So my boyfriend of a year has me all focused on having an abortion, when it will break my heart to do so, and even worse my family has a history of depression. I cant tell any of my family about it, as my mother who is very religious, will not let me have an abortion [which i know is a good thing] but the rest of my family wouldn't be supportive at all!! My father would be very angry and wouldnt want any involvement! I have 2 brothers and 3 sisters and i respect their opinions, and look up to them so much!My family stiuation at the moment is, I have a 32 year old sister who is 7 months pregnant, plus a 22 year old sister who is 12 weeks pregant. My 27 year old sister suffers from borderline personality disorder, and intense depression to the point of being suicidal. When my 22 year old sister told her she was pregnant, although she was happy for her, she rang me straight away to tell me she would commit suicide if i got pregnant too. I know that seems selfish of her, but one of her biggest worries is not being in a good relationship to have children, so with all of her sisters being pregnant, this would effect her massively! My brothers would also be very angry, as I'm smart and they wouldn't want me to waste that. All in all my family has a strick policy on how life is to be played out. All of us are very intellagent, so there as only ever been the one option, University - then a good job. That was always my plan too...I'm really stuck with what to do and feel like i have been pushed into a corner and have no other decision! I'm very anti-abortion, and i know its something i wont be able to handle if i did have the abortion. But i dont want to risk my sisters mental heath! Both situations would make the guilt unbearable. I dont know how i could live with myself in either situation!Please does anyone have advice for me!! =(
View related questions:
abortion, university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, califnan  +, writes (16 September 2009):
 Anonymous; There are only Two people in this relationship: Yourself and your Baby.. Please Please do not have an abortion.. The baby is from God - and coming through your body. The heart cell was there from conception.. Have your baby. I promise you, everything else will fall into place..
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (15 September 2009):
 You're the one who has to live with your choice. You say you couldn't live with yourself in either situation, but you know what? Your sisters, boyfriend, family, they'll get over it one way or the other - but YOU, you live with your choice forever. You need to make this choice about you and your life and what you see best for you and your future. This is completely up to you.
So think about what you want YOUR life to look like - being a Mother or waiting a few extra years until your life is ready? Either is admirable, reasonable and acceptable. Don't let the world influence you too much, because you're the one who has to live with your choice, the others just have to deal with it. So, why not take some time by yourself, think about it and then go to the doctor you're comfortable with and talk it out there a bit too? Hopefully, that's a place where you find unbiased support either way.
Good luck, my darling. The world will keep going and your family will be fine either way. They'll just need some time to adjust, but it's your life, your decision. They'll accept that. Again, good luck!!
...............................
A
female
reader, pashanoodle  +, writes (15 September 2009):
 I know this is a really hard situation - but my main advise is to make a decision for YOU - not based on what your BF wants or what might happen to your sister if you have an abortion - that is not how you need to be thinking. Yeah - these are 'factors' that will have some influence on your decision, I'm not saying they don;t matter at all - but you have to figure out what YOU feel about a) having a baby right now and b) having an abortion. What is your heart/inner voice telling you??? From your post it sounds like you have pretty strong feelings about having an abortion which you need to figure out. Have you thought about talking to someone at a women's health centre or at your local women's hospital - to get all the information you need to be able to make an informed choice? That might help? Who have you been able to talk this through with? Is there a GP that you trust or a close friend/aunt or someone who can listen objectively?
I don't think it will be an easy decision to make - and unfortunately time is not on your side - so get as much help and support as you can and talk about it - it'll help you get perspective on how you feel.
I also wanted to add - I know what it can be like to have a lot of 'pressure' and expectation within your family - and I can see that you feel like you have let down your parents, your bother's you boyfriend etc etc - the truth is - it's happened, it was an accident - it doesn't change who you are as a person and a baby needn't change your whole future plan...might just alter it slightly...but I know that REALLY difficult or unexpected things can happen and you think noone will cope or get over it - and they do.
My sister fell pregnant to a guy she barely knew, she also has mental health issues and was pretty 'lost' at the time - my whole family freaked out - me included - we were so worried about her, the baby, what would happen, would she be able to cope with a baby?....my Dad was sooooooooooo angry he couldn't even speak about it when he found out...
I now have a beautiful newphew and my sister is the most amazing mum, she is with the bub's dad still and she has recently gone back to work part time...things have worked out just fine. Everyone in our family thinks the baby was the best thing that ever happened for my sister....so you might be surprised how things pan out. Trust in your families ability to love and support you - even if they are initially sidelined by your disclosure.
Good luck with thinking this all through - whatever you decide will be the best choice.
Take care.
...............................
A
female
reader, melanie0083 +, writes (15 September 2009):
 think of what your saying....you DON'T want an abortion (you state your against it) but you are willing to terminate your baby, to save your sister? If your sister DID commit suicide, I don't think you can take the blame for it. What she has is a mental disorder and needs to be watched closely. This SHOULD NOT effect a decision of whether or not to keep your baby? This is your baby we are talking about...I think you are really just scared for your future...if you ARE really against abortion, you should think about adoption. My friend did it when she got prego at 16. She was able to "pick" her baby's parents, and she still keeps in contact with them. I suggest you should let your mom know, as hard as it may seem, she will be the one person who can really support and help you and figure out your options. If it's too hard to tell her, ask your sister's for help to break the news. Just think of the baby's best option, not yours.
...............................
A
male
reader, Dalmatian +, writes (15 September 2009):
Please give your unborn child the gift of life.
...............................
A
female
reader, ffogalilly +, writes (15 September 2009):
I had an abortion in April, my sister who is very Catholic threw a fit and almost cut me and my parents out of her life. She blamed my parents, thinking they made me get an abortion, but I made up my mind the minute I found out that I was pregnant. I am pro-choice, and knew that it just was not the right time for me to have a baby, so I made my choice. You're in a tough situation, but remember its your body, and you have to do what is best for you. Your family might get angry, but I think they would forgive you. But remember, the choice is yours. Its been hard, after you've had the abortion, you pregnancy hormones don't go away overnight, it takes a long time for your body to adjust. I hope things work out for you.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2009): have you considered adoption? that way you wouldnt b having an abortion and you could still continue with your schooling.
...............................
|
