A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm so upset and i feel like i'm weird or something. I'm 26, and my boyfriend is 25. We are both virgins, and want to lose our virginity together. The thing is, he goes mad at me for certain things. I feel embarrased to say this , but i dont know where his penis is supposed to go . I know there are two holes in the vagina, and i'm not sure which one it's supposed to go in. when i look at my vagina, it doesnt look like there are two holes, but apparently, there are. he said i should know my own body, and i guess he is amd that we havent been able to get his penis in when we have tried too. I also have to give him blowjobs as at the moment, its the only thing i can do to him that gives him pleasure. I didnt like the salty taste when i tried it without him wearing a condom, and i dont like the taste of plastic, although we used a flavoured condom, so it didnt taste too bad, although the flavour went away pretty quickly. plus, i am still practising hwo to usemy mouth and tongue there. i feel like such a loser, as he does everything perfectly. He is great at masturbating me, kissing my breasts or other parts of my body, e.t.c. He also said that he wants to try doggy style to try and get his penis in, as he apparently heard that its easier to get the penis in that way, but he said we wouldnt have to do it that way all the time. To me though, it seems like an embarassing position, but maybe i would be more comfortable in that position once we have done it the usual way.What should i do ?. Should i break up with him ?.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (23 May 2010):
 The thing is, he goes mad at me for certain things.
WHOA, wait a minute. What does he get mad about? Because I think this is a major red flag. He gets upset his virgin girl friend isn't a sex expert and "just" gives him blowjobs?
That is not something to get upset about.
One thing the vagina does is contract when you are not excited, propably to prevent women from whistling when the wind blows between their legs, but when you are afraid, uncomfortable it can contract very thight indeed, thight enough that it seems as if there is no hole at all.
Could this explain why you can't find anything?
What is he getting mad about and what does getting mad mean?
A
female
reader, IDoWhatIWant  +, writes (23 May 2010):
 hei!:)
you said your boyfriend is very good with pleasing you; i think he should know where you hole is:) i had a little trouble finding my hole(it sounds wrong lol) but i had to try with my fingers. just push a little with your finger where it feels right. ill give you a hint: it's the closest hole to you anal! Another tip could be to watch pornos, it'll help i promise!
also i agree with the anonymous writer; your boyfriend should relax and be patient. NEVER do ANYTHING that feels uncomfortable. i've been together with my darling for a while now, but i still havent felt right to do it at the times we could have. :)
loads of love,
ida
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2010): Hi there.
First of all, you should never do anything if you don't feel comfortable and if your boyfriend isn't patient with you, then he isn't worth it. So before you do anything physical, I suggest you guys sit down and have a real talk about it.
Tell him that you aren't sure what to do but you want to learn and slowly you will if he will work with you, but if he can't understand that not every woman is an expert then you shouldn't do it.
You could try to experiment by yourself before you do anything with him. It is good to know your body but there is nothing wrong with not knowing, it's not an obligation or anything. Knowing your body is for you, not for anyone else.
You could use a mirror and sit down on the floor with your legs open or something, with the mirror in front of you. You could play around and see what feels good. It is also helpful because you can see your vulva and the holes. There are two holes, a tiny one below your clit which you pee from, and below that is the vagina, the hole which the penis goes in. When you are a virgin it's hard to see but it's good spread your labia and touch. When you are aroused, you will become moist and that is where the penis goes in. Don't worry about mistaking them, the hole which you pee out of is too small to let anything in, so just have fun exploring.
So anyway, after you are more familiar with your body, you could let your boyfriend help you and explore with you before trying any kind of penetration. But let him know, so he isn't disappointed when you two don't have sexual intercourse.
For your first time - don't do doggy style. That is the hardest position, especially for virgins because it will make you too tight for him to slide in. Try the missionary position, with you laying down on your back and him on top, it will be easier for both of you to see what it going on and it will relax your body so he can enter more easily. You could also try with him on his back and you on top, because then you can control the speed, and how much goes in. It will be more comfortable for you. You guys could try some foreplay before having sex in those positions and he could finger you slowly to loosen you up a bit first.
If you don't really like the taste when you are giving a blowjob, you could use flavoured lube. Or you could try handjobs or boobjobs. Variety is always exciting.
But, remember to discuss all of this with your partner and communicate as much as possible, because that is the best way to enjoy sex. And if he is having troubles with it or doesn't agree, then he doesn't deserve it and you need to find someone who will respect you enough to wait.
Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2010): It's normal for people to not understand where the penis goes at first, everyone has this feeling, but with your boyfriend you shouldn't feel embarassed about anything, you should be able to feel comfortable around him and tell him how you feel, and how you don't no where the penis goes, if he goes mad at this , then maybe he isn't the right man for you, but just give things ago
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (23 May 2010):
 First things first. Ignore his getting mad at you. *HE's* embarrassed that he doesn't know where to go on you. Just worry about the biggest hole in the front, and you'll be fine. Remember, there's a hymen too that will most likely break. If you want, get a visit with your gynocologist to have him break your hymen so that it's not painful, and he or she can point out where your vagina is too.And tell your guy to chill out. Doggystyle? Someone's been watching too much porn. Also, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. It's interesting that you're asking about whether or not you should break up with him. Remember that the relationship you two have shouldn't be all about sex. It should be about getting to know you two. He should be patient, and patient with himself too. It sounds like he's viewing successful sex with you as a rite of passage he wants to get out of the way.
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