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I don't trust one of my new roommates

Tagged as: Friends, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 March 2016) 3 Answers - (Newest, 31 March 2016)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I just rented a room in an apartment in the city I just moved to. I have three roommates, I didn't know them beforehand. But I love my new place and for the most part get along great with my roomies. I've developed a friendship with two of them whom I really like, but one of my roommates, I don't mind living with, but like an instinct or a gut sense, don't want to be friends with him. There's something about him I don't like/trust. I don't want to share any information about myself or get too personal. Just want to keep it at hi and bye roommates. It's nothing he did just my gut.

A few times he was cleaning out the fridge and by "accident" tossed out a few items of mine. I could understand if it was expired or rotting. But they weren't. I noticed this but I never brought it up. But after that, my radar went up on keeping an eye on things I leave in our common areas.

So the other day I was in the shower and I noticed my conditioner was missing. All along I had a feeling he had taken it. To be fair, I left a note for all my roommates asking if anybody had seen it. Later that day I saw my roomies and obviously the other two didn't know but when I confronted the one I don't like he nervously and defensively explained that my conditioner was supposedly leaking in the shower so he transferred it to a different empty shampoo bottle but I guess it "slipped his mind" to let me know or ask if he could do this? So my conditioner was in fact in the bathtub but in a bottle I wouldn't recognize. Then he said he didn't know it was mine and thought it belonged to a past roommate. I knew it was a lie, he knew very well it was mine. But I just brushed it off because he seemed defensive and he wasn't going to own up to what he did, like this could turn into an argument. So I took my toiletries out of the bathroom and am now keeping them in my room.

Then he said he had some towel missing from the bathroom. And asked if I knew where it was. I don't take other people's things so naturally I said no. But when he suddenly brought up his towel was missing I immediately got the feeling there was a passive aggressive intention behind him doing this.

If he had been using my conditioner, frankly I would've never noticed. But transfer it to another bottle? So I wouldn't recognize it? Makes no sense to me.

Was he trying to steal my conditioner or was this a passive aggressive game to get a rise out of me?

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A female reader, chigirl Norway + , writes (31 March 2016):

chigirl agony auntLook, some people are bat shit crazy. Who knows why they do what they do, they don't make any sense and never will. So if your radar is going up about this guy, trust your instincts and just remove all your belongings to your room, and find a good lock to your room. Because crazy people walk into other peoples rooms.

This doesn't even come close to the stories Ive heard of other roommates and the things people will actually do, and still not get a diagnosis... I mean people who look normal, have day jobs, study in school with good grades etc, and they come home and are just crazy. Example, a friend of mine had a roommate who would use his towel when the roommates ONLY towel got tossed to the washer. Why the roommate only had one towel? Why the roommate hadn't wasked this one towel in 6 months? Why this roommate thought he could just use other peoples towel?? Who knows?!?! People are bat shit crazy.

Go with the mini fridge thing and buy a new lock to your door. That's my advice.

Oh, and if you really wanna know, here's my guess at why this guy tossed out your food and conditioner: he feels the apartment is his and didn't like your stuff, and has no respect for you, your belongings, and has some mental challenge that means he doesn't understand common rules of society and how to treat others. In other words: talking to him about it will not help, and he will keep repeating this behaviour.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2016):

I would think exactly the same way you are right now. He's either trying to make drama and blame you for missing towels or his towels really are missing and you are the first person that comes to mind. This may get messy depending on what kind of person he is.

I had a mate move in with me and little things like spare change go missing and food/drink go missing from the fridge. If it was me, I'd tell the person I took it and replace before that usually notice/need it. I ended up kicking him out for other reasons.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (28 March 2016):

Honeypie agony auntMy advice?

Get a mini fridge in your room for the things you don't WANT to share or lose.

Have a little "bathroom" basket with YOUR stuff in it and bring it with you back and forth to the bath room when showering.

I say that because I had a roommate who used my razors a few times and it made me puke in my mouth. And she claimed she hadn't but.. my leg hairs are blond, hers black.. not hard to see who's legs had been shaved. It's gross. While I liked her a lot I did NOT want to share my razors or toothbrush/paste etc. So I had a "bathroom basket" that sat in my room.

I see why you find this room mate iffy and I'd trust that gut reaction. His fabrications about the conditioner is just too elaborate to be true... first he put it in another bottle then he thought it was a past room mates.. Bollocks. And all of a sudden HIS towels are missing? Sounds like he got caught and is trying to deflect. My guess is he presumed that no one would really miss a bottle of conditioner. He thought wrong.

Oh, and have a lock for you room as well.

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