A
male
age
26-29,
Jerri
writes:I started seeing this guy in early november of last year, i've had the biggest crush on him since the first day I met him. Anyhow, we started talking he told me he has a boyfriend living in another city (yeah long distance) and all we could be was friends. Luckily we hit it off great and really enjoyed each other's company....we went out many times had a blast together, there was a real connection between the two of us. We started to cuddle and get closer, though up to this point we have NEVER had sex, just cuddle hahaha i like that he wont cheat on his bf and he respects me for not expecting sex. However, over the past three months our relationship grew so strong it got to the point where we were acting like a couple. Txting a hundred times a day, making plans everday, and he seemed to be less interested in his bf. Even when he went to visit his bf he would txt me or call me. Perhaps my intense emotions got the best of me, but I wrote him a long letter telling him how I feel and how I would like to be with him. He read the letter, we talked, everything seemed ok until the following weekend when we partied one last time....Somehow we got back on the topic of what was going on between us and he said he needed to pull back because now he was confused and wasn't sure if his behaviour was fair to his boyfriend. He seemed to feel guilty all of a sudden and said he needs to work things out with his bf first. Here I was pouring my heart out to him, telling him i love him, and he said he couldnt say anything because he cant express his feelings for me when he has a bf. But he said he does have feelings and he doesnt know what to do. So lately he has pulled way back, to almost no txting, he doesnt make plans to hang out....i know he likes me a lot and ive been told by others how he feels about me....but I wonder if I scared him off with love...i dunno! He ALWAYS makes the trip to Toronto to go see his bf, his bf NEVER comes here and he said he wasnt going to make another trip until his bf came down here for once. However, his bf was supposed to come and didnt so he went there this past weekend. When he got back he sent me a txt...he seems like he still wants me in his life....but now it isnt the same....if we cant share what we were sharing it feels awkward. He sais he just wants to be friends.....so my questions is this basically....what first attracted us to each other was the idea of holding out, no sex, building a foundation for a future relationship.....do u think he still wants me to be in his life for more than just a friend some day, or because he feels bad for hurting my feelings? What do I do? Im having so much trouble pulling back.
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female
reader, Fade878 +, writes (29 July 2008):
 You will have to learn from this lesson.
Any man or woman that says they have someone in their life, are telling you indirectly you will not be anything long term to them. They are indirectly asking your consent to use you for affection, attention-you fill a need for the moment.
Regardless of months...in the end, he told you of his intentions.
It was foolish to take the chance and hope for something that may never happen.
Now you are in a position of worry, hurt, and false hope.
Focus on his ACTIONS and not his WORDS, to determine the truth.
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