A
male
age
36-40,
*elplessKP
writes:I've a massive problem.I've been with someone for 5 years (seems to be common) but had broken up about 2 times. Every year i get into this situation when its the end of the year and i dont feel like i love her anymore.I've found another girl which i've known for 3 years and sadly out of stupidity i've become something that i sworn myself i wouldn't be. A cheat.I'm depressed about it and also having heart problems at 22 yrs of age.My relationship is serious to the point of we just started looking at a house and flats together and we've been engaged 3 times.I dont know what to do and i'm an emotional wreck i need help.
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female
reader, Tigerlily  +, writes (4 December 2009):
Ok. You are 22, you've been with your girlfriend for 5 years. So you started when you were 17. So she's basically the only girlfriend you've ever had. You have broken up 2x and been engaged 3x (which means you've called off the engagement 2x)... and at the end of each year you get confused about if you love her. Sounds like this relationship if full of drama.
I think two things here. One, I think that you are too young to be so serious with a woman. You need to give yourself some time to come into your own as a man - on your own. Two, if you are having this many doubts and turnarounds with your GF after 5 years, maybe that's because deep down you don't feel she's really right for you, but because you haven't really been with anyone else, you are sticking with what's familiar.
If you are having heart problems and feel like an emotional wreck - honey that's not a good state to be in. I heard it said once that a GOOD relationships ADDS to who you are. Makes you happy and stronger. Clearly that is not what is happening here. I think you need to take care of yourself and take some time to yourself. Away from BOTH of these women. Get yourself healthy, get yourself emotionally stable, mature a little... and THEN you will be in a good position to judge who is a good partner for you, and be healthy enough to have good things to offer a woman in a relationship.
A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (4 December 2009):
 Becoming an emotional wreck is one of the side effects of being a liar and a cheater.
The only cure? Coming clean. You have to choose one or the other or else you are going to feel like this the entire time you are cheating on your girlfriend.
These stories are sad though, because you basically wasted five years of your girlfriend's life, only to screw around with someone else. Do yourself a favor and come clean with her, so that way you aren't wasting anymore of her precious time on earth by being with someone who obviously doesn't love her. And if you really don't love her, you won't have a problem being truthful and then breaking things off. The next step is living happily ever after with the girl you're cheating with. Who will probably have the deserved misfortune of being cheated on by you, aka karma.
Best of luck. Come clean! The emotions will settle and you'll be able to do whatever without having a girlfriend.
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A
female
reader, LadyCorsair +, writes (4 December 2009):
 If you can't see yourself with your fiancee for the rest of your life, then you need to put your house plans on hold for starters!
One of the girls needs to go, perhaps both, and you need to take out some time to take care of yourself. Trust me, the stress of deceit won't do your heart any favours!
What are the reasons you two keep breaking up and calling off your engagement? Do you want to marry her? Cheating will not only hurt these girls, but it will have a detrimental effect on your own health, so think about what you really want.
Good luck,
Lady Corsair
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A
female
reader, RollerCoaster19  +, writes (4 December 2009):
First of all take care of yourself. You are young and have your entire life ahead of you. Secondly, relationships are not always black and white - I am not saying cheating was a good thing - but the worse thing is two women being strung along this way. Do you really, really think that your engagement is going to lead to a happy marriage if you are already having doubts and seeing someone? Do you really want to bring a house, maybe a child later and two families into the mix?
It will hurt - truth always does. But you know what, sit down and talk with your gf - let her know the truth or atleast say you are not sure anymore and cannot be in the relationship anymore. Wish her well. Apologize. And then get out of there. I am not saying go back to the other girl - I am saying allow yourself better. And allow your fiancee better too. You both deserve honesty.
Believe me a 100% - the immense relief on ceasing a double life will help you heal and mend.
You will be fine - just walk away from a relationship that causes you trauma and allows you to compromise everything and cheat.
You deserve better. So does everyone else.
Take care,
RC.
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