A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I had been married for 10 years, my marriage was failing since the wedding night when we were not able to have sex because she had too much pain.I centered my attention in working and getting my doctorate and I can realize now that I put my relationship in the "back" burner.I kept going, getting busier and busier until one day I got into a relationship with a married nurse, nothing major happen, but we kissed, I told my wife, she did not believed me and we have 2 years of hell! I was always guilty and no matter what was the argument about, we always returned to the same shameful moment.Then to top the cake, I lost my job because I did not get involved with a co-worker and I threatened her to report her...well she reported me first and of course they believed her and I was forced to resign.The sex issue came back to the picture, she tried to make me feel guilty again for not finding a cure...I separated on November, 14th 2008 and moved 2000 miles away, I told her that she can follow me if she wants to have a family and be a my wife...She did not and the last time I saw her was on April, 2009.I had been giving her 5K a month...I got involved with a new girl, she is fantastic in every way...I don't have the balls to get a divorce, because somehow I feel guilty!What can I do?
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female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (2 January 2010):
 You need to come to terms with the fact that you no longer love your wife the way a manshould (if he's going to be married and stay faithful) and then file for divorce and move on. I am assuming you've always had sex problems in your marriage, either due to some kind of physical problem your wife has, or the fact that she plays the guilt card to avoid having sex with you. If she's just playing the guilt card to get out of sex, then news flash she's not that into you either. You'd probably be doing both of you a favor by ending the marriage. It's a bit of a sham in my opinion anyhow and if you've been living apart for a year, it doesn't sound like your wife has been all that heart broken. Quit beating yourself up and admit that it was not your best choice then move on.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (2 January 2010):
This guilt is a waste of time. You have a new girl, and you need to focus on the future now because you'll lose her if you don't divorce. Your wife hasn't bothered with you since April, so it's over. Get the divorce and move on with your life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2010): From reading what you have written, I don't know what you feel guilty about.
You gave your wife the opportunity to follow you and she didn't.
You say *I don't have the balls to get a divorce, because somehow I feel guilty!*
Well I think the time has come for you to grow a pair!
Get a divorce and move on with your life.
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