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I don't have any friends to go out with or to take my mind off my Internet lover, after the break up, so what do I do?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Online dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 September 2007) 12 Answers - (Newest, 26 October 2007)
A female United Kingdom, anonymous writes:

i just broke up with my boyfriend who i met online but never actually met in person. we were together for one year and he ended it saying its not going anywhere and im wasting his time. he is completely ignoring me now.

i love him. believe me i do, i know people say you cant love someone you have never met but im not a naiive kid, im in my 20s and i have a lot of life experience. i know that i love him. and now my heart is broken. i thought he was the one. but apparently not. and there is absolutely no hope of us getting back together he is moving on with someone else now.

but i dont have any friends to go out with or to take my mind off him, i havent been out to a club or a bar in over a year, i will not meet anyone new because i only really leave the house to go to work. and i wont meet anyone there. i really do not have one friend.

everyone says the easiest way to get over someone is to hang out with friends and keep busy, but how can i get over him when i have absolutely no friends and nothing to keep me busy?

thanks

Kelly

x

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2007):

i've been there, met him online, we both fell in love, shared the feeling, passion and time, like we talked to each other twice everyday, online and on the phone. we even had our first online dinner date. i know this sound weird to some but believe me it was the most happy times in my life. however something or someone screwed up that relationship. he thought i was part of it and never forgive me since. sadly we broke up. it was the saddest time of my life, until now i still miss him and still love him the same. i still wish he'd comeback to me but only God's power can do that now. I'd like to say i moved on but i am only fooling myself. i still think of him everyday but i go on with my life ... go on living, i know my life should not end with our break up. He was a big lose but I will still find someone worthy of me. Just have faith and be positive.

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A female reader, sweetroses United States +, writes (15 October 2007):

to have someone you love, leave you. it is the most painful time in someone's life. when you give your all to that person. when you share you feelings, thoughts, and passion with that person, and they don't care anymore, it is as if you dont want to live anymore. how can there be anyone else for you? it seems impossible. it doesnt matter if your there with them or not. it doesnt matter if you met them or not. its the times you shared. everything you built with that person. just gone... i have been through it. exactly.... it takes time. its the only thing. distractions may work for the time being. but believe me, it wont last forever. friends cant stick around forever. i remember that i would would just cry and cry. the pain of crying is exhausting. the only way i got through it is to pray to Jesus and read the bible. i asked him to help me through what i went through. jesus was the only one that soothed my pain, suffering, and lonliness. i didnt have any friends and i didnt go anywhere. i guess i was what people call a loner. people will tell you its going to be alright. its easy for them to say. they arent going through it, they have someone else to lean on. people will say that its easy to make friends. go out, go do something. its just not easy. nothing in life is. im sorry your going through this pain. one thing i had to understand is that im not alone. other people are suffering just as i am. i will pray that your pain will not last long.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2007):

to have someone you love, leave you. it is the most painful time in someone's life. when you give your all to that person. when you share you feelings, thoughts, and passion with that person, and they don't care anymore, it is as if you dont want to live anymore. how can there be anyone else for you? it seems impossible. it doesnt matter if your there with them or not. it doesnt matter if you met them or not. its the times you shared. everything you built with that person. just gone... i have been through it. exactly.... it takes time. its the only thing. distractions may work for the time being. but believe me, it wont last forever. friends cant stick around forever. i remember that i would would just cry and cry. the pain of crying is exhausting. the only way i got through it is to pray to Jesus and read the bible. i asked him to help me through what i went through. jesus was the only one that soothed my pain, suffering, and lonliness. i didnt have any friends and i didnt go anywhere. i guess i was what people call a loner. people will tell you its going to be alright. its easy for them to say. they arent going through it, they have someone else to lean on. people will say that its easy to make friends. go out, go do something. its just not easy. nothing in life is. im sorry your going through this pain. one thing i had to understand is that im not alone. other people are suffering just as i am. i will pray that your pain will not last long.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2007):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

thanks for your answers, although some of you are wrong. i love him. if you dont think its possible you just havent experienced it. i have. and i know how i feel and dont need anyone else to tell me how i feel. it wasnt just that he was someone i spoke to online, i was really committed to him, i told him everything and never spoke to any other boys online because i was with him.

but anyway back to the point at hand, i guess i'll try joining a club or something. it wont kill me and if i dont like it then i could just leave? thanks x

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A female reader, DrPsych United Kingdom +, writes (30 September 2007):

DrPsych agony auntYou think you love him but you only feel for his online persona. It is a common problem unfortunately. As you were lacking in friends at the time it was easy for this love to develop and for this man to be your sole focus. I can totally understand that you wouldn't want to go out and socialise now on your own and obviously you haven't found mates at work (not that unusual). However, you can keep busy in sports clubs or volunteering for charities in your area. If you are contented with being friendless and boyfriendless then stay as you are and don't change to please other people - some people are natural loners (my hand goes up to that one) who don't need many people around them to remain happy. However, if you feel the need to change then it is up to you to make the first move and to make positive changes in your life. My advice is to hang up your online dating hat (there are some pretty messed up people in that world) and venture out for real world experiences.

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A female reader, duskyrowe United Kingdom +, writes (30 September 2007):

duskyrowe agony auntHow can you call anyone your lover if you have never met him? He is just your cyber buddy. I had a very similar experience, this guy I spoke to online was very charming but he lived in the states and I live in the UK. So chances are he has met someone else, as he ignored me after a while. But I moved on and is planning on meeting guys who are more easily obtainable. Please put it down to experience and move on and find a guy, who will love you unconditionally. Did you guys ever talk about meeting up in the future? because speaking to someone for a year and never meeting them is a long time in my book. My guess is he had no intention of following through with this so called relationship in the first place and cruelly strung you along. Good luck if you do find a new guy, I mean it. Take care Hun xx.

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A male reader, rcn United States +, writes (30 September 2007):

rcn agony auntYou have an introverted personality. Not going out much or making many friends. That's an OK personality to have, I enjoy being that way. The less friends to me is less of a chance of someone backstabbing.

Do things you enjoy doing, take walks, go to the park. Take part in volunteer work. Just do something to consume your mind, instead of running this incident through your mind over and over again.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2007):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

LOL. believe me, i know him. he does not have a wife and 4 kids. its not like it was just emails, i talked to him on the phone every night for hours, even though i havent met him in person i knew everything about his day to day life, and i knew his friends and family. i know he was real. we didnt meet because of the distance between us. not because of any other reason.

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A female reader, Oblivia Sweden +, writes (29 September 2007):

Oblivia agony auntOf course you can love someone even though never having met. And it will always hurt when someone disappears from your life. You will get over it eventually but it helps to try and find something to occupy yourself with.

You really need to get some friends. What do you do for work? Are there any nice people there you can hang out with, to go to the movies or to the theater with? What do you like to do, do you have any hobby you can begin with and there get some friends? Would you like to join a foreign language course, dancing class, photography, or any sports? Maybe there are courses at the university or another kind of education center, where you can learn to know other people with same interests? It feels harder to make friends when growing older, even after 25 it gets harder, so to join a company like this can make it easier and feel more natural.

Hope this helps, I wish you all the best. Keep us posted how it goes.

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A female reader, BEEN THERE DONE IT United Kingdom +, writes (29 September 2007):

BEEN THERE DONE IT agony auntHi babes,

Have you got anyone at work you can talk too and go ouy with, if not hun join a club eg keep fit classes or water arobics somewhere where there are women whom you can beriend and go out with.....

Find a obby something you are interested in find out what types o clubs are in your area......

I do feel for you hun, this man has broken your heart but he really isn't the one for you as he is making you miserable right now babes, the right man will come along and he will make you happy, but for now you need to make yourself happy, you deserve that don't you????/

Hope this has helped you a little hun and good luck

Love Donna xx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2007):

No, you're not a naive teenager. You're a naive 20-something-year-old.

If you hadn't met in a year, it wasnt going anywhere anyway! Chances are he's got a wife and 4 kids to support. The internet is a wonderful tool for hiding behind, especially in situations like yours. You were never 'together', you were miles apart. The 'someone else' he's moved on to will probably give him a laugh for a while, just like you probably did. And how do you know for sure it was a bloke?

I think you need to look at this from the outside, accept the fact he was playing you like a violin, learn from the experience and move on with your life.

Get yourself out and away from the computer and meet some real people!

Phil

Phil

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A female reader, Ms.Sweet dreams Philippines +, writes (29 September 2007):

Ms.Sweet dreams agony auntkelly dont be afraid that u don't have friend we are here for u to cheer u up and forget ur bf. well can u give me his name and if the desting if for u and for him. but get urself busy go in the bar and there is a lot of friends waiting for u. u can earn lots of friends and u will not be alone. take care

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