A
male
age
36-40,
*rymsoul
writes:Ok, here's the problem. As I'm writing this, I apologize if it sounds a bit ranty. I'm fresh out of the situation that made me. . .jealous. Right after work, me and my buddies stood around and talked/laughed for a while. We were having a good time, until one of my friends decided he wanted to show off a girl that he recently hooked up with. With this guy, it's not much of a surprise that he has another girl under his arm. He's the playboy of our group. To be honest, seeing pictures of his previous girlfriends never struck more than curiousity out of me. I just figured "Wow, she's hot." and that was the end of it. This picture, though. This picture made me see red.When he flipped through the photos until he came to the one he wanted, he showed it to us. The picture was of a very attractive girl wearing lingerie while taking a photo of herself in her bathroom. The very same girl that I hit on twice AND got rejected by twice. Now don't get me wrong. I understand the way it works. There's nothing you can do about a girl that turns you down. You should just accept it and move on. And I did. I was really forgetting about her, until I saw that picture. Not only did it remind me of how I felt toward her, it also let me peek into how sexy she was WITHOUT clothes. You would think I should be happy to see her barely wearing anything, but all I felt was enraged jealousy. I didn't show it to my buddies. I sucked up my emotions and said "Wow, she's hot."Now, I really hate how unfair this situation is. I don't hit on girls that often. I'm more of the conservative type. I really only hit on girls around twice a year. No kidding. I seriously don't hit on girls. So believe me, when I do, it's because I feel a SERIOUS attraction to her. This guy, though. He hits on girls as if they were about to be extinct. There is literally no girl I have not seen him at least hugging with. And to top it off. he's out of shape. I don't mean obese or anything. I just mean a bit chubby. I'm not hating. I just mean why can't a guy like me ( a bit on the athletic side) beat this guy in getting a number from a girl. I've been told several times that I'm handsome and have a very nice build. For example. There was this girl who just wouldn't leave me alone. She would poke me to get my attention. She would do silly stuff just to get me to notice her. She even say "Hi, I'm so glad you decided to talk to me." when I approach her.Do you know what happened? I asked for her number. Do you know what she did? She gave me A number. Meaning, she gave me "her" number but when I texted or called, no one answered. I asked her the next day at work what happened, she basically ignored me and kept walking away. WTF. I decided to just call it a loss.Sorry this is so long. So here's the finale. The guy I was previously talking about. It might help to know that he has a GREAT personality. There is almost no subject that he can't be knowledgable about. So I guess his secret is knowing how to talk to girls. Something I'm not so great at. I don't have a good sense of humor and I tend to keep my guard up most of the times. Is this really hindering my success with women?
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male
reader, grymsoul +, writes (26 March 2012):
grymsoul is verified as being by the original poster of the question Well. I would like to thank you all for your honest advise. I do have a problem with letting my walls down because I was emotionally devastated in the past. But I see that's only keeping me from moving on. I actually do envy my friend. I know there are times when he gets rejected but in a way he is bigger than me (I mean his courage lol). He can always pick himself back up and try again, maybe even minutes later! It usually takes me a while before I can summon up the courage once more.
@therain- "well that girl you talked about? she tried so hard to get your attention and then the phone excuse, i am not saying you lied. it just sounded like an excuse, it was like look if you not interested just say it! don’t make stuff up." Maybe I mis-read this. But it sounded as if you thought I was making this up. Lol, I apologize if it wasn't intended that way. I only highlighted it so I can further explain. I still see her everyday I go to work. Sometimes I catch her looking at me. Sometimes I want to just approach her and ask why she decided to do what she did. But I know she doesn't owe me an explanation and I don't want to come off as a creep for pestering her. I already feel like a creep for asking for her number! She somehow felt that I needed a fake number to get the hint. I got the hint, alright. This is why I don't bother with talking to her anymore. I felt that she should have just said "I'm sorry, but I only wanted to be firends with you." Anyway, the message was sent regardless of the method.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2012): You are reading way too much into this. Let me ask you something, do you like every girl you see or meet? I'm guessing your answer is no. Some girls you like some you don't, for no other reason but your personal taste in girls. It is the same with girls. This one girl just wasn't into you and the other guy was more her type. It doesn't mean you did something wrong, or that you lack something. It is her taste in guys and there is nothing you can do about it. This girl didn't like you, some other girl will. There is no person in the world who is universally liked by everybody.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (25 March 2012):
 For some, humor is vital. I am one of those females who "need" a guy with a sense of humor. Preferably one who gets MY sense of humor. And my husband does 100%.
But I don't think that is your problem. I think you have a problem with taking hints and reading females in general. And maybe it's that big chip on your shoulder that hold you back.
Next time a girl pokes you, don't ask for her number, just take the time to build a report, say hi to her when you see her or ask her out for a cup of coffee/tea over lunch. Just because she poked you doesn't mean she wants you. She might just want attention.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (25 March 2012):
 That girl you called ignored you because she had to poke you in order for you to call her. She concluded that you didn't really fancy her enough to make a move first. She resents she has to be the one initiating.
I think the problem here is you don't know what type of girl you like, and you are just going along with whoever would talk to you.
There is a difference between getting into a relationship and just getting female attention. Fat guys do very well in getting attention because girls feel secure with them and they have the sense of humour to compensate their appearance.
I myself don't see the humour importance. I actually get offended when guys making an online profile just copy and paste this trait they have: "I hope you can handle a guy like me because I have a real sense of humour," as if all guys just want to look for a barbie doll who laughs at his tasteless jokes. I have been called too serious and should lighten up.
At your age I wouldn't expect you to have too much confidence. Confidence comes from life experience and your ability to handle life's adversity. I would rank confidence over humour at any time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2012): If you are reserved and cool by nature; its something you have to figure out how to not be so stand offish. To the right type of woman that can see past that; its not even an issue.I believe Society has become so lazy and self motivated as a collective and with this, the message is about instant gratification, even if someone is not necessarily a good match- people just don't want to be alone so are lax in standards and values and jump on whomever tosses themselves in their path. Lacking in Wisdom.From where I am, you are still young and with time, patience, and you being you and perhaps you wanting to put yourself out there more and let down the walls a bit- you'll allow for that special someone to see the true value of being with someone like you.Faithful, committed and so NOT a player.;)
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