A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Really need a lot of advice as there is no one I can talk to about this! My bf and I are happy and together 2yrs. We have a very active and great sex life. The best either of us experienced. We regularly do kinky stufr or I dress up etc. My bf has also been madly in love with me and eyes for no one else. A while ago I had an odd dream (that is completely unlike me) and dreamt I had a three some with a girl. I mentioned it to him with a laugh and it seemed to turn him on which as a result turned me on. We talked a couple of fantasy scenarios and it was fun. Afterwards, it happened like that another time. I thought nothing more of it but now I realise it was like a can of worms that have been open. He actually seems up or open for the idea of a three some. Now don't get me wrong...He is not at all pressuring me or even suggesting it happens. Just that he said a few times that he likes the idea and that if it ever happens he would be open to it and that he thinks it will be a real turn on. He has also brought it up a few more times in fantasy sex talk. This is a huge change as before he always said he would never consider it and that he only had eyes for me and that he could never share me with anyone as it would hurt him too much.So now I feel kinda yuck. Like through this somewhat innocent role play and fantasy I helped my guy to now want sex with other women or be turned on by seeing me with other people. And it feels like the love or even loyalty he had for me is kinda gone as he now feels open and even turned on with the idea of having sex with someone else...or even watching me with someone else (man or woman). Feel kinda hurt but I know it's my own fault I just had not realised it could have been this way. Again, he is not pressuring me and I told him I don't want to do it in real life and he said that is fine. But he said maybe in 10yrs we may feel different and even if it didn't happen he is ok with just me. But it feels different now. I see the lust and passion in his eyes when he starts talking about other women and threesomes scenarios. I mean I do get turned on by the fantasy chat sometimes but I just don't feel as special anymore.
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sex life, threesome Reply to this Question
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (13 August 2015):
 Threesomes are a bad idea...You need to avoid talking about the subject.
A
male
reader, Garbo  +, writes (13 August 2015):
 Even though you told your guy that you wish not to do it, your role playing and indulging in that fantasy with him resparks the hope and turns it into a firm belief, in his mind, that 3some is still in the cards, if not now then some day. I think you need to be more forceful in expunging this 3some idea out of your sex life altogether if you wish to regain your special place in this relationship. In other words, stop any role play, any sexy talk and any reference to 3some with your guy and if he does ask him not to. Make that fantasy a mute point, something not to be spoken about anymore and forever settled: no 3some in reality & no 3some in fantasy.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (13 August 2015):
 In these situations the man often sees himself in the dominant role with the women servicing him. If you were to be more attracted to the other female, and he was sidelined it might be another matter - unless of course he's a voyeur.
This is your life, your body, and your experience. You don't have to willingly take part in any act you find degrading, disgusting, or even just not what you feel like at the moment. You will hate yourself if you go against your inner feelings.
Be an adult. Take responsibility for yourself.
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