A
female
age
36-40,
*ot Feeling Guilty
writes:I cheated on my boyfried of 4 years. I am 22 years old and I never thought that I would do such a thing. My boyfriend is an extremely nice person. He has incredible values and he appreciates me very much. Now this is my dillema, I cheated on him 2 months ago with a guy that I work with, I also just started working there like 5 months ago. I love my boyfriend and he loves me as well. Two days after I cheated on him, I told him what I had done. We were living together and he moved out that same day I told him. I told him I was so sorry for what I had done. But reality is that I dont feel bad for cheating on him. My boyfriend is extremely handsome and well the guy that I cheated on him with does not compare. He's not attractive at all. It all started with small flirting here and there and eventually I just wanted him..and it happened. What is extremely crazy is that the sex wasn't even good. I have had better sex with my boyfriend. I dont feel atrracted to the guy I work with anymore, it was just a fling. But now I have a big problem I dont feel attracted to my boyfriend anymore. It's really hard for me to get turned on by him, when before it was so simple. I know that I love him and I care for him alot. Right now we are living together again. But he's always complaining and telling me how I dont want him anymore. Sometimes I just stay quiet. I have thought numerous of times that maybe I am with him because I find it convenient. Often I find myself wondering what my life would be if I were single again. But then I feel so comfortable with him. He knows my family very well. If I were to end my relationship with him I dont think I would be able to open up with anyone else. I can also see myself with him in the future he is very responsible and always puts me before him. I don't know what to do to make my relationship better, or if I should even stay in this relationship. I know that I could be hurting him by staying with him, and then again I like being with him. I am confused. I know that sex plays a major role in a good and healthy relationship, but that appears to be my maing problem. I dont feel turned on by him. What can I do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2010): Many times when someone cheats on someone else, who has not cheated, they have problems sexually afterward whether the other partner knows or not.
That is probably one of the issues you are dealing with now.
He may very well be your "one true love", and you will never get a better option in your entire life. However, you clearly aren't thinking like that, so go off an do some thinking before you mess up his life any more.
The fact that you don't feel bad for cheating is a huge red flag. Get counseling.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (23 September 2010):
 Be a good person and set your BF free. Go live that single life you seem to crave.
And I agree with CaringGuy, you don't love your BF, you jsut think you do/should.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 September 2010):
 Have some mercy on your boyfriend : leave him and spare him a lifetime of being cuckholded. Because that would be his destiny with you. You cheated on him when he was still turning you on- imagine now that he does not anymore !
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A
female
reader, angelicus  +, writes (23 September 2010):
Hi, you are 22 years old without children, which very quickly are not the solution. You sound as if you need to reclaim your own life a bit and haven.t decided if you have met Mr Right. It is ok to end a relationship if they know your family very well as it is not about them! Plan to stop this, regain independance and go and enjoy single life for a while- you are 22 with years ahead there is no rush! xx
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (23 September 2010):
I don't think you do love your boyfriend. You think you do, but in reality, you don't. After al, if you did, you'd never have cheated, you'd feel worse than you do, and you'd still be attracted to him.
You seem to be crying out for the single life a bit. All the talk about you not being able to open up with someone else is rubbish, because you would. Go and enjoy the single life and find a guy you can commit to. Don't keep your boyfriend just because he's the safe option.
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