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I do think he's cheating on me again. Should I believe him and trust him still?

Tagged as: Cheating, Dating, Teenage, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 November 2012) 2 Answers - (Newest, 18 November 2012)
A female United States age 18-21, *unopeltz writes:

I have no clue what to do.

In August my now boyfriend went of to college - the same one that I used to go to.

Before he left we were together for 3 months and he said that he loved me and I loved him back.

So anyways a week or two after he left.

My best friend informed me that he was cheating on me, which turned out to be true.

We broke up in September after I confirmed that he was indeed cheating and he started going out with the girl - the one that he cheated on me with and he claimed that he loved her after a couple of days.

So about 3 weeks ago they broke up and we started going back out again.

I love him and he claims that he loves me and that he'll never do what he did again, but I don't know what to believe.

And now I think he's doing it again. Should I believe him? Should I trust him? What do you guys think I should do about this ugly situation? Dear Agony.. Please Help

View related questions: best friend, broke up, cheated on me

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A female reader, danni123 United Kingdom +, writes (18 November 2012):

hi there well if i was you i would move on he cheated on u thats bad in itself and he went out with the girl aswell, 3 months isnt that long so u wont have too much of a problem moving on although it will still hurt and u will find it hard, but its the right thing to do and now you think hes at it again, if he loved u sweetie he would'nt dream of cheating on you in the first place, can you see where im coming from here but its up to u obviously be with him a little longer and see if anything changes signs of cheating are things like him staying out late, becoming distant, not letting u look through his phone or social networking site, and being out all the time, ignoring your fone calls,these are all common signs of cheating but even if he is doing any of these things it still doesnt meen hes doing the dirty, u need to get proof remember, have a word with him if he cant give u eye contact then maybe he is or sometimes giving too much eye contact can also be a sign that hes lying hope this helps, take care x

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (18 November 2012):

CindyCares agony aunt I'd keep my eyes and ears wide open, if I were you.

It's not just because " once a cheater , always a cheater " - I happen to think precisely that, but every rule allows for exceptions.

In your case though, there are two things to consider carefully- your young age, and the young age of your relationship when he cheated on you . When he says he loves you, he is not telling a lie, he probably means it-

but I guess he means it in the rather typical way of a college freshman.Superficial and self referred. He loves the physical attraction there's between you, he loves the emotions you give him and the way you make him feel about himself, he loves all the fun, easy parts. What he does not love is the part that requires self control, committment and sacrifice, i.e. passing up opportunities for sex, entertainment and companionship with other women; and keeping a tight rein on his curiosities, out of respect for you. In other words, he loves you ( or the other girl ) just until it does not cost him anything and he can act like a greedy kid in a candy store.

Second, he SAID he loved you then few weeks later he was with the other girl. Then he SAID the other girl he loved her, and few weeks later he was with you. Inconsistent- you can't put too much stock on what he SAYS, because apparently for him it is very easy saying something and doing the opposite.

So now he SAYS he would not cheat on you again.... but you can't trust him 100% based on his words.

We can't even process and hang the guy before he has actually been found doing something improper, - but , if your intuition is telling you there's something amiss, you should not yield to the temptation to dispose of your doubts with a quick " Oh no, it's just my paranoia , he SAID he wouldn't ".

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