A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:[Moderator ote: Obviously the age posted above is incorrect]I am in the 10th grade. My girlfriend broke up with me and I don't understand why. My family moved and at the new highschool, this 11th grader started to hassle me. He wanted to initiate me. I was going to my next class and he started trash talking. I didn't care. Honest, I did not. All I was thinking about was my test next period. When, he kept on, I was like yeah, whatever and turned to walk away. He put his hand on my shoulder and told me not to turn my back on him. It really pissed him off. I turned, thumbed him in the eye pretty hard, pushed him down, and stomped his hand, breaking it. His parents are trying to stick my parents with his medical bill. My new girlfriend split with me because she said I am scary. I didn't start this thing. I did not seek this guy out. I'll let it drop if he does. He came after me but if he keeps coming, I'll hurt this guy bad! I have never bullied anybody in my life and have no taste for it. But I do not have to take any crap off this guy either. Why should I? Why did my girlfriend split up with me? What was I supposed to do about this guy?
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female
reader, Neanthia +, writes (5 April 2010):
 Like the last anonymous reader I heard about the girl, and believe me I've seen people on the verge of doing the same thing. I don't take crap from people, but I don't start fights I finish em. I'm a girl but I can take and give a punch, pretty hard too, but you went a bit overboard. Reading your situation I knew someone was gonna throw a punch, just next time don't let it be you. First. If they've already initiated the fight then by all means fight back, but don't overly hurt them just get them to stop. I'm not saying what you did was right or wrong, but it was a bit much.
As for your girlfriend, being 13 I'm probably not the best person to give dating advice, but I do know that if you explain the situation to her she may come around. She's definitely frightened as well she should be, you've shown just a little too much willingness to fall to aggression. Aggression ended my mum's first engagement, a woman needs to know that while a man is tough and will fight for himself that he won't take his temper out on her.
Best of luck. :D
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2010): As someone who was bullied quite a bit, I agree with CaringGuy and can totally understand where you are coming from. If you hadn't stood up to this guy, as the "new kid" in school you would have had bullies coming at you from all directions. It wouldn't have just been this guy; his friends would have joined in and started to mess with you, too.
I just read about a girl who hung herself because she was being bullied. I don't think many adults understand how serious it is. I wish that girl had the strength to stand up to those tormenting her the way you did.
Since you're new, your girlfriend has probably known this guy since forever and since he never bullied her, she can't imagine that he did anything to deserve what he got. You probably can't change her mind about you, but don't worry about it. You had to protect yourself and if she doesn't understand that you don't need her.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (2 April 2010):
Well good for you for standing up. I was bullied for seven years and no one gave a damn until the day I did what you did. Unfortunately, people judged me as much as they did you, and were a bit stand-offish because instead of seeing me as the nice guy that I really am, they saw me as a bit unstable. In the future, keep the defence to a minimum. All you need to do is restrain someone, not stamp on their head which could land you in jail. As for your girlfriend, maybe she will come around. Who knows. But to be honest, you don't need someone in your life who will not stand by you when you are in the innocent.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (2 April 2010):
 Well, I have to admit, while I understand that you were simply defending yourself, what you did WAS really scary and unnecessary. You showed that when pushed you get violent. And you didn't stop just with a jab in the eye, you pushed him down and stomped on his hand so hard that you broke it. That's pretty extreme.
What you should have done is turned around and said, "listen, I don't have time for your BS. I have a test next period, so just leave me alone", or something. Use your words, not your hands. You don't need to "hurt him bad" to make your point. Show that you're a real man and don't need to make show how tough you are by not getting violent. In this situation, who looks like the bad guy? You do.
While I know you miss your girlfriend, and I sympathize, I do think she did the right thing. She saw a big red flag and responded. If you want get her back, maybe take some anger management, conflict resolution or something to prove to her that you acknowledge that you went too far and that you don't want to feel scary to people.
Good luck! I realize you did what you felt was needed in the moment, but I still think that you just went too far.
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A
male
reader, UncleDoug +, writes (2 April 2010):
Hi,
Let me commend you on initially walking away. You are a bigger man for it. I am somewhat concerned about your sentiment that "(you) will hurt this guy bad" if he keeps coming. Anyone reading your account can glean that you have some martial arts/self-defense training. I am sure as part of that training your sensei or sifu has also trained your emotions to remain calm in tense situations (where other persons may run amok.) Do not let the evil inclination to do harm take hold in your mind. Defending yourself against attack is a different matter. Do only what you need to extricate yourself from the situation and not to inflict the most harm, unless your life is at risk. Use this experience to further build your character. Do not harbor any ill-will; why attach yourself to a negative situation? Just let the matter die (perhaps poor word choice under the circumstances.)
As to your girlfriend - she is afraid (whether or not that is a rational response to what occurred is irrelevant.) Give her space and let her think about things. If she truly wants to be with you then she will overcome her fear and re-establish contact with you. Violence oftentimes begets alienation. Let her see you acting normal (and not hot-headed) around school and around the other boy, and she may have a change of heart.
On a separate issue - I would suggest filing a report with the local police about the incident so you have an officially recorded document indicating that you were acting in self-defense. Further, if the other boy continue to act the bully, the school may (these days they usually will) intercede, or your parents may want to contact the local District Attorney's office to request help. Keep your cool and keep your hands (and feet) to yourself unless you are imminently threatened with bodily harm.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2010): well i can understand you standing up to a bully but you might want to try thinking next time before you act as you actions costed you alot more than you were probally hoping for. and i agree you shouldnt need to take crap from people like him he is nothing but a low life and if his parents are on his side then they are to all im saying is you cant blame yourself for this because your the victim her not him.
and well thats for your girlfriend dumping you well why dont you try and explain to here that you were getting bullied by somebody and you didnt want to take it so you had no choice(basiclly just tell her the truth)and if she still doesnt understand then dont bother with her cos she is defenetely not worth it if she doeesnt realise why you did it. And she might be scared that you will attack her but if you both had a good realationhip she would understand.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2010): Well, seriously don't worry about her. Obviously she doesn't want a man. You did want any real man would do. You tried to avoid it and you couldn't do you acted. Nice Job really. Some times it takes something like that to put some one in there place. You shouldn't have any more problems.
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A
female
reader, JuiceMario +, writes (2 April 2010):
 Okay, well there's a difference between defending yourself and actually hurting someone. From what you describe I would say that you hurt this guy a bit more than necessary. There were other ways of handling this situation which I think may have been a bit more appropriate.
To answer your question "what was I supposed to do about this guy?" - you could've simply asked him not to touch you. If he'd refused you could've taken the matter up with a teacher?
To answer your question "why did my girlfriend split up with me?" - I think she was genuinely frightened after she saw how violent you were. She probably didn't see that this guy was giving you hassle and just saw you beating him up.
You should try and talk to her. Ask for another chance, everyone deserves another chance. If she says no, don't hassle her, it's her decision at the end of the day. If she says yes, do you best not to mess up again!
Good Luck! :-)
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