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I cheated then found out my girlfriend is pregnant. She says she doesn't trust me and would leave me if she wasn't pregnant

Tagged as: Cheating, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 May 2017) 4 Answers - (Newest, 19 May 2017)
A male Canada age 22-25, *onnieK writes:

I've been dating my girlfriend for four years. A year ago we bought a house together and within weeks I got laid off from my job. I ended having to take a job that required me to be out of town for three weeks then home for a week. I felt terrible and like a failure that our plans didn't work out. After a few months of being away i cheated on my girlfriend. I was lonely and feeling like my girl friend deserved better and this girl was there and telling me everything to boost my ego. I felt really bad about it.

The weekend my girlfriend found out I had just gotten home earlier that day. We were in bed and she was telling how happy she was that I was home and how much she loved me and the guilt that came over me was over whelming . I wanted to tell her but I couldn't . I didn't want to hurt her. I got up and took a shower and I was actually crying. I don't ever remember crying before that day. She came busting in the bathroom with my phone and a bunch of messages from the girl I had cheated with. After some yelling and me trying to explain she left. That night she came back and told me she was waiting for the perfect time to tell Me that she was pregnant. I begged her to forgive me and she did. Fast forward 5 months and today she me she didn't trust me and probably never would and that if she wasn't pregnant she would have left. I thinks she's just having a bad day but part of me really thinks that she means it. She has never brought it up since that day but she isn't the same either. Is there any way to save my relationship. I don't want her to feel this way and I don't want our daughter to be born into a mess.

If I bring it up she just cries and tells me to drop it but I think we need to talk about it. Is it better if we don't talk about it

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (19 May 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntWe all have bad days and say things. If this is the first time she has mentioned it then I wouldn't mention it again. build up her confidence. You need to earn her trust back.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2017):

Trust takes time to earn back, don't push her to talk about it just carry on and support her and prove that you'll never do it again, yes she may have left you if she wasn't having a baby but that's not the situation she obviously wants to try and make it work

Of course she's not going to be the same she's put her guard up now and is probably scared you are going to hurt her again, give her time, be patient and just understand why she's not the same, you can't expect it to just go back to the way it was

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A female reader, chigirl Norway + , writes (19 May 2017):

chigirl agony auntIts better if you dont talk about it. At least not for the next year, because she is too tired making a human, and her hormones drain her. What I would advice you to do is to "talk" about it through action. Show her at least once per day, that you love her and value her. Show your remorse through action. And give it time. Broken trust needs time to build up again. You can never talk to build trust. All you can do is show your loyalty through actions and give it time.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (19 May 2017):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntThe good news is she is still with you, regardless of her reasons.

I believe a relationship is NEVER the same once someone has cheated and the partner has found out. Take a plate and drop it on the floor. It smashes. Glue all the pieces back together. Is the plate the same? Never. It has scars from what happened. However, if you polish it and repaint it and work hard at restoring it, the scars will become less visible.

Same in relationships. She has had her trust in you shattered. You are very luck on the timing of the pregnancy otherwise she would probably have dropped you when she found out. You now have time to rebuild her trust and convince her she did the right thing in staying.

Are you still working away from home a lot? Put time and effort into finding a job where you are home more before the baby is born.

It's a shame your girlfriend is still hurting too much to feel she can talk about your cheating. Perhaps you could go to see a councillor - with our girlfriend or, if she refuses, on your own, so you can discuss your thoughts and feelings?

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