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I caught my boyfriend looking at bikini clad women's pics and viewing porn!! Its driving me mad! Am I over-reacting?

Tagged as: Cheating, Dating, Pornography, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (3 March 2011) 4 Answers - (Newest, 4 March 2011)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, *licee writes:

i woke up to find my boyfirend looking and loads of girls facebooks looking at nothing but their picture, expecially ones in bikins etc, he then denied it and said ment nothing, after he admited it he seemed really upset and sorry for what he had done , so i forgave he but have been finding it hard to trust him fully, i was then using his laptop just over a week after and i when onto his history to go to a website id been on earlier that day only to find in the last week he had ben watching porn, i havent told him ive seen this as i dont want us to argue again but this has really got to me, am i over reacting ? what shall i do help!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2011):

I've looked at every attractive woman I've seen for over 30 years, it is normal, and I've never cheated. Looking is not cheating.

But, the guy and the gal shouldn't gawk in front of their significant other nor should they leer or stare uncomfortably at others, nor should they compare.

When you start comparing, you are thinking someone is "better" in some way, and that is the first fatal step down the path to betrayal.

You also shouldn't lie to each other about it, nor rub it in.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2011):

I get jealous when my bf does this, but it is very normal. All guys and a lot of times girls too do it, so yes you're over reacting.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (3 March 2011):

aunt honesty agony auntIts perfectly normal behaviour for teenage guys to watch porn. Its just something guys do. It doesnt mean that he doesnt find you attractive or that he doesnt want to be with you its just like a hobby to them and sometimes it helps them along the way to self pleasure thats all. Of course if it is making you feel uncomfortable then I think you should talk to him and tell him how you feel. Dont argue with him or accuse him of anything just tell him calmly how it makes you feel and see what he says.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2011):

Don't worry, you are having the same reaction as most other women, but there isn't anything to be concerned about. Men are visual beings, they love stimulation by admiring the feminine form, in real life, in pictures, porn etc. Most men look at porn. I expect nearly all young men look at porn for various reasons, some of them educational.

I understand why you feel unsettled by this. I did the first time I knew my husband had been viewing a naughty video. It's still not ideal that this goes on, but boys will be boys. It definitely doesn't mean that he thinks any less of you, or that he is comparing you unfavorably with other women.

I hope this helps. He just needs to be much more discreet about this and learn to cover his tracks a bit more.... and he will!

x

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