A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I recently broke up with my boyfriend. We were together for about 6 months. This was my longest relationship and I lost my virginity to him.As with most of my past relationships, they start very exciting and lovey-dovey, then fizzle out. We had about 2 great months together, then we moved to go back to school, I realized I was dating someone VERY different and had jumped in too quick. He had lots of baggage from past relationships and serious anger issues. I am embarrassed because I feel like I keep failing in relationships.I haven't been in any long relationships and none of mine have been able to sustain themselves very long. I am working with a counselor to address my low self esteem and relationship concerns. It's not that I think I don't deserve great treatment, but I seem to think I won't be able to find it. So when I have chemistry with someone who seems decent, I go for it. I know relationships take lots of time to build a bond and intimacy. I am just worried that no one will ever stick around long enough for that to happen. I experience loads of professional success and strong friendships, but my relationships with men haven't been as successful.Any insights would be appreciated.
View related questions:
broke up, lost my virginity, self esteem Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Kate1967  +, writes (17 March 2016):
Be yourself and love yourself and the rest will fall in place.
Don't rush a relationship. It will happen when you least expect it.
If there are red flags, like lots of baggage from past relationships and serious anger issues, dump him as fast as you can. Any red flags will become worse over time, trust me.
You will find a nice man without looking. It will happen.
A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (3 January 2016):
 This is not about you but most young people do not know what to do after all that lovey doveyness fizzles out. A relationship naturally progresses into marriage, family and vacations. If the majority of you guys are still studying, not knowing where you would live, and have your career, then of course the relationship loses its focus too. To take on adult responsibility one has to mature. When you have past issues people can't move forward to the next stage.
When you never experience true, sustainable relationships, it's easy to put the blame on yourself. The truth is that you have to keep rejecting, and rejecting until you attract a guy who meets your standards for long term.
What you are feeling is the shock of how few men are able to love today. Maybe you grew up feeling it's something that's granted. In your parents' generation it would seem very easy. In several years' time, you would be desensitized and accept that's how the world is. You would understand that being single is better than being stuck with a guy who can't offer love.
...............................
|
