A
female
age
30-35,
*olilolipop
writes:Hey all of you.because i think you all are good people i'm turning my shoulder to you again ...So there's a total mess in my head about my love/boy i'm hanging out ...i won't lie how we met. there was a party and sex. and because it was so good we saw eachother another month. everything was so awesome and i haven't been thinking about nothing cus i was sure it was goin to end soon. but it didn't. it has been one year since we're meeting eachother and i can't rember us "not seeing" eachoter more than 2 weeks in that 1year period...i don't know where did the time go.. it seriously surprising me. he's a lot older than me (17 years), but not really grown up so that's maybe why i like him. he just all of a sudden began to talk about his ex-girlfriend, who was cheating on him. and sometimes he told me what he likes more about me than on her. and some stuff how he strong touched her when he met her in a club, saying some not really nice words to her. (she wanted to hug him, but he was like it's last time you touched me like that) it was around 3 monhs, we were messing together. so that kind of shocked me because i thought our-thing is based on fun. though he was in my head all the time. and yes i'm jealous on her. i never talked about my past, because we never talked serious. i've also never asked him nothing ... everything he told me was coming from him. so yes i know she hurt him and that he loved her verymuch. but does he still love her? i can't get over my obsessed mind. i want to stop thinking about her (ex) but i can't. problem is cus on the other way he's being so nice with me, like noone ever been before, he's really careful, attentive and he shows me he thinks about me. he told me he's afraid cus i'm so much younger, and that's not normal and that if i was a bit older he'd gone somewhere with me because i "get-it". and that i have many boyfriends infront of me...i don't remeber ever telling him i like him, he did it few times - not very often. i only wrote him a letter, putting out everything because i wasn't able to tell him in the face, cus we both are not really ready/mature enough to handle a normal conversation. so what bothers me mostly is his ex. i don't know if i pity him or myself anymore. i know i'm being cold, i'm not really nice to him i'm selfish, stubborn and all i need is someone that likes me, that tells me nice words. but i can't show love to someone for who i don't know what's on his mind. his ex? what's he doing with me and why he's being so nice with me? i can't show him love because of my fear and pride. why would i be nice to someone who has some other things on their mind. though what if maybe he needs what i need. some carring hug and we're both just stubborn. waiting on eachother ... i never really hug him, but he does... nor realy ofeten. we both are some emotional mess...what bothers me is that could he even love me, is it just my illusion? i hate myself when i'm so cold to him only because of defense way, though i know it would be better to show him and hug him. but i just can't because his ex-s being on my mind. and i hate. i want to put that thoughts out. sometimes i have feeling that i'm hurting both of us with my coldness and "i don't care" attitude. only because i need strong love in this situation (including family, education, job) i'm in ...so yeah if it's not obvious i fell for him a lot...i want to be with him all the time. but then there are this thoughts, i'm holding back from what i'd really wanted to do.and i know i'm no exception, so why would i be better then she was? i know i can't replace her, i know there's nothing special on me that could make him think about me in a beautiful way...i'm not asking you to tell me what's on his mind, cus nobdy can know.but can someone with broken-heart(broken a lot of times) even love again?is he over her? (he's not mentioning her anymore, he never talked a lot about her but when he did ... ) or i found him in so stupid situation when he's a emotional-wreck. and yes myself also only from different reasons. i don't want to be some dolly, being there only to heal him. but why then he pleases all my fictions ... i'm so lost in my thoughts, in him, everythingand don't tell me talk to him, because for me it's so hard. i just can't do it. and if i started something (not really often), he just changes the subject. when he starts to talk something it's so all of a sudden that i have no responses. and only thing i get when i conffesioned him in letter (saying i've never felt like this before with anyone) was him being even more caring and loving. sorry for such a long post. i want to clean my head but don't even know where to start.and thank you
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female
reader, lolilolipop +, writes (18 February 2013):
lolilolipop is verified as being by the original poster of the question hey thank's for the answer.well i really put a garbage out there. so it's good you understood hahaso i'll just took out basics ...i fell for hirm and am still falling (first time i have feelings like that in my head)he's older - he had many more girlfrend's so he's much more experienced. i hate that if i meet someone male - he often has some coments (jealousnes)but he never told me we're really a couple. so whothef*** are you to telling me this ?and yes his ex- i'm just afraid i'm her replace, though his actions to me are ... don't know. sometimes he's caring too much ( i like it)and what bother's me the most is that i'm keeping my feelings inside, and it hurts. because of all the mess in my head and comparing his/mine experiences. i'm just not sure. all i want is to have "never-ending" hug with him and kissing...no sex included.... but i can't, i keep being cold because i don't know. as i told you our conversation never really get in accordnace. (me not able/he not able) i know person like him's hard to meet (and i'm trying to say it objective not from my love eyes. he's not perfect i know) but i'd just love to spend some more time with him, as long as i could. including love and caring from my side ... you know that sweet romantic things ... that's what i miss and my head's a big spiral of thoughts that fight each other.i want him. i love him.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (18 February 2013):
 You already showed feelings to each other. It's up to him to date you when he feels ready for another relationship. You don't have to worry about being cold. Every time he shows you a bit seriousness, you reward him with your kindness. There will be times when he feels tempted to talk about his ex, you tell him you have heard enough.
The key is not trying to be his ex. You have to be better than his ex because their relationship did not work out.
It is totally justified that you are guarding yourself. You don't need to be a bandaid, or an ego booster for him to get his life on track again, but without you. Yes you are younger than him but you have to show him that you can't be fooled.
Now he has to learn that the only way to get your warmth and affections is to officially date you.
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