A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I feel so ridiculous, embarrassed, confused. I just do not know what's best for me at the moment. My boyfriend of 1 1/2 years cheated on me a couple of times when we were together. He admitted it all to me around Christmas time before he had to leave for the military again. We broke up. I tried to be friends for a short while but gave up. He bought me a plane ticket recently to go see him but I realized that I shouldn't, at least not at that moment. I figured If I didn't do anything wrong, then why am I the one making the trip to go see him. He should be flying to me if he wants to see me. The other night, I went all out bc I had a college reunion with my Australia mates where I studied and worked abroad. I got really drunk and of course, you guessed it, I drunk dialed my ex! I had an emotional breakdown that night with all my aussie friends and my ex on the phone. It was pretty intense bc I cried on the phone for 2 hours. He told me he wanted to start all over. The problem I have with him is that the only way I can get anything out of him is if it gets to the point where it is forced out. Then he shares his feelings and emotions. It is not easy for him to share his thoughts and feelings. He ended up ordering a cab for me to get home even tho he was hundreds of miles away. He stayed on the phone until I got safely back home and passed out on my bed on the phone. I woke up very embarrassed. He called me 15 times the next day and I just didn;t pick up bc I was so embarrassed. I was also trying to ignore him bc I'm not sure what I want at the moment. I am so confused. My friend called him to tell him I was okay (he called her many times that night too to check on me but she missed his calls.) She tried to get some things out of him to see how he feels about me, us, and out situation. She said that he sounded scared and stuck and not sure what to say.I asked her what she thought of him. She hated him when she found out he cheated on me but now, she told me that she thinks he still loves me but he's just scared for some reason.I told her what I wanted from him was actions, not words. I already heard him apologize countless times and he always tells me he misses me and wants to see me. But I am at that point where I want to give up and ignore every thing. I'm tired of putting the work in the relationship. I want him to show me some actions on wanting the relationship to work out. I'm so lost bc he's the only man I ever loved. I fancied him since we were in middle school. I've tried many times to get over him with other men but I just can't come to do anything with them because I know I still love him with all my heart.I'm scared of taking him back and he cheats on me again.I'm scared of the long distance and trust issues might worsen from it. I'm scared that he might not be the one for me but because I'm stuck in my little fantasy world of being with the first boy I ever had a crush on, I can't move on.I'm scared there's plenty of better man out there but I will never give them a chance because I'm stuck on this one (who cheated on me multiple times). I'm scared that our love has been tainted and it can never be revived.Help if you actually got through all of this..I am young, beautiful, kind, yet hurt,utterly confused, and can't seem to move on.
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broke up, cheated on me, christmas, crush, drunk, long distance, military, move on, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, EssentiallyMe +, writes (20 February 2008):
 If he wants to come see you and win you back that's fine. But don't let yourself just give in and go see him and take him back. Who cares if he's "scared" he has no right to be scared or feel bad about himself, he knew exactly what he was doing the entire time(s) he cheated on you!! Everyone does deserve a second chance though, so give it to him, but only if he earns it. He needs to beg. And DON'T give in until he does! He needs to WIN you back, he has to FIGHT for you. Only then will he deserve to be with you again.
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