A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and i have been dating for almost 9 months now. I love him very much but every time he's alone he feels the need to watch porn and masturbate. 5 times a week at least. When he doesn't have his computer at his house, he even goes as far as sleeping at his mother's house (who lives 5 minutes away from me) just so he can do it. I would sleep over at his house, have sex in the morning, and once he would drop me off at work, he would go wild on his own. This has always bothered me and made me feel cheap, especially since he lost his virginity with me.Recently i found out i was pregnant (12 weeks) and his porn rampage has gotten even crazier, he even went as far as signing up to an adult online dating service... when i asked him about it, he said he just wanted to look at the women.Please help, why does need to do this constantly? I've spoken to him about how horrible it makes me feel, and he just keeps saying that it's normal, and keeps lying about it all the time, saying that he wont ever do it again. Then it just hurts so much more because he lied. I know my sex drive has been low because of the pregnancy - but i feel completly replaced. I can't stop thinking about his porn obsession and can't help to think that i don't satisfy him, that if i wasn't in his life that he would be just as happy with his screen. Please, it's ruining our relationship, what should i do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Queeny  +, writes (27 May 2008):
 Hello dear,
your boyfriend is what we call a porn addict and this has got nothing to do with you. Unfortunately, he has not accepted tht this is a problem to him becoz he is addicted. this kind of addiction is very strong as any other addiction e.g. drugs, alcohol, food etc. all you need to do is not blame yourself for it becoz he chose it the very first time he decided to watch porn. porn may not be too bad but the degree at which this has got into his system. as we have social alcohol drinkers, we have alcohol addicts. you may choose to live with it until he accepts that he has a problem and goes for therapy. on the other hand.. this may cause extra marital affairs on his part.. do you still want to be with him or leave and get over him, in time you will find a decent man old enough to take care of yu and your baby, both emotionally and physically. you have given your best; Love and that's what is important.. if he chooses porn over love than he is the looser. Please take a break maybe go to your parents/guardian or family for the sake of the child you are carrying... have fun by yourself and possible be open about dating other men in time you may fall out of love with this porn patient.
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (27 May 2008):
 Hi there,
I would like to think that you two could find some middle ground here.
Your partner needs to stop this obsessive behaviour for a start. But maybe the best way to do it is not by simply banning him from using it ( lets face it he will simply keep going around to his mothers if you do) but maybe have an agreed time limit. If you say for instance 2 hours is the maximum time in the evening he can spend on the computer then that is not too much to ask and it is plenty of time.
Getting out of masturbating to internet porn can be a hard thing. And now you are pregnant and your sex drive is on the wane you can hardly slip on the basque and go and tear him away from the computer screen ( though I guess you could:). so how about a compromise from your end as well. Perhaps you could provide him with some oral or hand relief to make up for the lack of sex.
In any event, you need to bring things to a head. Your life is going to get more challenging as time goes on and you need the support of your partner - if he is simply going to spend most of his time playing with himself on the computer he has got to realise this is not how a man supports his pregnant girlfriend.
good luck.
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