A
male
age
51-59,
*IVLEK
writes:I'm 36 years old and have been married for a little over a year. I give my wife everything she wants, no matter how big or small no matter the cost. It seems as though what i want does not matter, and whenever i want something she makes me feel as though my request is irrational or that we cant afford it. Then she'll buy something for a great deal more. When i think about things, this behaviour started before we got married, as she refused to allow a good friend of mine to attend our wedding, as she claimed she didn't get on with his wife. 2 months after we were married she accepted an offer to go on holiday with my mates wife. Believe me this is only the tip of the iceberg, but i do love her and don't want to lose her, but i can't go on not being listened to. Any advice would be most welcome.
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female
reader, Lamb  +, writes (17 November 2008):
it sounds to me like your wife has some control issues. the thing to work out is, is she a controlling/manipulative character, or is her control a protective symptom of insecurity? i think the latter can be worked on, but the former (someone who just enjoys controlling others) is a huge problem in any relationship. i think you need to figure out in your heart which she is, and then take appropriate steps. it sounds like you're feeling unequal - start with telling her how you feel. maybe she doesn't realise she's doing it.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (17 November 2008):
Well it's something you really should have sorted out before you got married. You entered this marriage tip toeing around her and doing what ever she wanted so she may not want to change very easily. Plus, you've been encouraging her in this behaviour, you are the one buying her all this stuff that she wants. You are the one asking permission to get something for yourself and skulking off and feeling sorry for yourself when you aren't allowed it.
Have you tried talking to her about how much you don't like this?
Why not just stand up for yourself? Buy things you want!
Rather than running away from the problem, I think you really have a go at dealing with it first.
She is only wearing the trousers in this relationship because you wash, iron and lay them out for her every morning.
Good Luck!! xx
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