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*amb

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I don't want to hurt my gf, so I want to make a decision soon over this to avoid wasting any more of her time and my time thinking it over and over.

Q.   i really need some advice, i'm in a long term relationship with my gf. a while ago though i kissed a girl who i know but only see infrequently and don't really talk to much but we sometimes e-mail. there's definitely a chemistry between me and this ...

A.   11 December 2008: my two cents :) 1. figure out what you want: long-term commitment, or chemistry? 2. maybe she is...but you know her, i don't. go with your instinct on that one 3. sounds like it might be, however remember your doubts in question 2. t... (read in full...)

A confused male, a tricky situation: Seeking wisdom!

Q.   I’m not very good at this.. (thus your collective wisdom will be appreciated) To make matters worse I’m not sure if I’m going to do good job of explaining this but… here goes… It’s a typical rubbish male story. I am seeing someone no...

A.   11 December 2008: your decision felt right at the time. you need to have faith in yourself, therefore, that you did the best thing for both of you. maybe this current girlfriend is not your future. but that's ok. the universe is unfolding as it should. you don't ... (read in full...)

Looking for contraception that will stop me bleeding all the time.

Q.   Please help me... I am 31 and have 2 children age 8 and 4. I am trying to find a contraception that will stop my constant bleeding. I tried the injection for 9 months and bled all the time, so I am now on the mini pill and this is even worse!! Any ...

A.   11 December 2008: the combined contraceptive pill worked well for me, though different brands vary. i think it was microgynon that was best for me (ie no spotting, bleeding between periods). i had a lot of bleeding with the mini pill. i have the implanon rod at ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is so selfish when it comes to us sexually.

Q.   My boyfriend is so selfish when it comes to us sexually. We've been together a year and a half now, and recently he's been asking me to spice it up a bit with how I do uno stuff with him.. But he has never once or gone down on me or properly...

A.   24 November 2008: i don't know about you, but 69 doesn't work for me. he stops when he's done. i'm thinking of making a new rule: ME FIRST (cos he's always done in, like, a minute!!!) he should enjoy giving you pleasure. real men like pussy!!... (read in full...)

I'm tired of his empty promises.

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and been living together for 2. Recently I went into his phone to text myself (couldn't find my phone) and there were messages to and from this girl he used to work with, "Vanessa". We've...

A.   18 November 2008: i have a similar issue. wow i don't know what to say. except i feel for you. i trust my bf that there's nothing going on, but why does he lie about it? THAT is what makes me suspicious. if she's just a friend, if the content is innocent... (read in full...)

He lied and said he wouldnt look at porn anymore!! But what else has he lied about!?

Q.   My boyfriend promised me something that he wouldn't do again, which was look at this NASTY site with a bunch of porn on it. I let him know the first time it kind of made me feel that I wasn't good enough for him. I wasn't even looking for anything ...

A.   18 November 2008: i'm going through the exact same issue. broken promises, lies, deception. i feel i can't trust my bf anymore. its not about the porn (though i am concerned its a habit he can't break). it's the hiding it, then lying when i find it, then ... (read in full...)

IsIs having an urge to sleep around grounds for breaking a 4+ year relationship?

Q.   can i trust him? and is there any hope for recovery? background: i was with my boyfriend for 3 1/2 years. the first 2 years i was a bit iffy about the relationship (i've always had a hard time committing - i've never cheated, but i always wonder ...

A.   17 November 2008: i think you need to be very careful here. he is being honest and open now. but you know, they say trust works in the cheater's favour. if you allow the secrecy to continue, you allow the possibility of him turning into a cheater. its a tough ... (read in full...)

Is it normal to enjoy giving BJ?

Q.   is it weird to enjoy giving head? my boyfriend says its strange for a girl to enjoy giving a blowjob, but i really do, although i hate the taste when he cums, i love actually doin it.. is it normal? ...

A.   17 November 2008: i enjoy it! ...although only when it's in my control. i don't like when men "guide" to it. i know where it is - i'll go there if i feel like it, thank you!... (read in full...)

Since he's given up porn he's given up giving me orgasms!

Q.   the last few times i've had sex with my boyfriend (i have initiated it) i have felt objectified. one of those times we were engaged in mutual oral sex. when he came, i was close, but he stopped cunnilingus and penetrated me (even though he was ...

A.   17 November 2008: just one more thing: i don't expect orgasm, that's not what i'm chasing necessarily. i want physical closeness, mutual enjoyment. i can have that without orgasm. but right now he seems uninterested in my enjoyment.... (read in full...)

Since he's given up porn he's given up giving me orgasms!

Q.   the last few times i've had sex with my boyfriend (i have initiated it) i have felt objectified. one of those times we were engaged in mutual oral sex. when he came, i was close, but he stopped cunnilingus and penetrated me (even though he was ...

A.   17 November 2008: hi peter pan, thanks for your thoughtful reply. you've given me lots to think about. regarding the surrogate issue, yes, he is coaxingme to do things that are his favourite porn fantasies. these are things i've willingly done inthe past, both at ... (read in full...)

When I try to get intimate I am often pushed away. I'm so frustrated with our sex life! Is it because of his premature ejaculation and what can be done about it?

Q.   Hi! My name is Jayne and am extremely fustrated with my love life. Here's the situation--my boyfriend of a little over 6 months does not want to ever have sex--it's like pulling teeth or something. In all other aspects of our relationship ...

A.   17 November 2008: this is so screwy. he is a selfish, selfish, lazy BOY. you deserve more. can you try explaining to him that (BELIEVE IT OR NOT) you have similar sexual needs and desires that you need to be satisfied? i'm so sick of treating men with kid gloves, ... (read in full...)

My husband has always had porn in his life and I'm aggravated and tired.

Q.   i'm tired and confused and need help. i've been married for 15 years, my husband has always had porn in his life since i've been with him, everytime i find it i cry i get furious and he says he'll stop and does for maybe a week or 2 till i find ...

A.   17 November 2008: he needs help. get counselling or get out of the relationship!!! it is totally unfair and unacceptable to allow you to become so upset by this over and over again. he'll never change if you keep going the way you are. drastic measures are ... (read in full...)

I can't go on not being listened to, but at the same time - I love her.

Q.   I'm 36 years old and have been married for a little over a year. I give my wife everything she wants, no matter how big or small no matter the cost. It seems as though what i want does not matter, and whenever i want something she makes me feel as ...

A.   17 November 2008: it sounds to me like your wife has some control issues. the thing to work out is, is she a controlling/manipulative character, or is her control a protective symptom of insecurity? i think the latter can be worked on, but the former (someone who ... (read in full...)

We are engaged, getting married and have much sex, is this a problem?

Q.   is it wrong for a me and my bf have sex like 2 times a day? we just got engaged and are getting married after uni we were meant to be together and lately our sex life is out of control we do it inbetween classes and after are there any consiquences ...

A.   12 November 2008: that's awesome! i think its completely normal, when things are going great, to want to have sex all the time! it is the most intimate expression of your love (and lust) for each other. i imagine making the decision to marry would be a huge turn on ... (read in full...)

I checked her chat log and found out she lied! Am I being paranoid or is this the end of the relationship?

Q.   my girlfriend and i had a fall out. we split up for 7 days. we got together at her house to talk about our future. we both said that we could not live without each other because we love each other so much. our relationship was bonded and i was the ...

A.   6 November 2008: she's totally playing you. you know she's lying, you've given her opportunityto redeem herself., you may have invaded her privacy but it was based on a hunch thatproved to be right. confront her then walk away.... (read in full...)

How to stop a lying husband

Q.   I'm not sure what to do about my husband. Our marriage is falling apart because of his lying. I don't trust him. He knows this. He seems to care at the time, but it doesn't come through in his behavior. Today I found out about another lie, ...

A.   6 November 2008: you are NOT overreacting. you need to set limits, he needs to earn your trust back. you would not be so possessive, anxious, jealous, mistrusting if he hadn't given you reason to feel all of the above. he needs a strong statement from ypu that if ... (read in full...)

I love him but don't trust him!

Q.   hey there i need some help and this is the last straw... i believe that my trust issues are going to end up ruining what i have with my partner... so heres how the the story goes... after a long open relationship me and my partner finally decided ...

A.   6 November 2008: it sounds like he's being honest, offering you the truth. unless he's a really good manipulator, i think you can trust his story. its when you find out he's receiving messages he's NOT telling you about, that's when you have a real problem. ... (read in full...)

I'm jealous of his first love... what should I do?

Q.   I'm dating someone right now and I am absolutely in love with him. We started out as friends and things just got better and better until we finally reached where we are now. He has already told me that he loves me and I, him though we aren't really ...

A.   6 November 2008: i think maybe you should go with him to the ex's parents' :) seriously, i believe you can trust that he does love you. but he needs to demonstrate your importance in his life. perhaps u could try getting to know the ex, if they are still fr... (read in full...)

My boyfriend's facebook crush!

Q.   hi, when i first started seeing my boyfriend over a year ago, we ran into a female friend of his at a couple gigs we went to (she was an acquaintance of mine too). i was super-friendly to her on both occasions, approaching her and starting con...

A.   6 November 2008: ps i also think she doesn't respect the r'ship boundaries. she still maintains contact with him as if he were a single friend. eg late night sms on weekends, sending private facebook song dedications, inviting him to join her on a hiking holiday ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend's facebook crush!

Q.   hi, when i first started seeing my boyfriend over a year ago, we ran into a female friend of his at a couple gigs we went to (she was an acquaintance of mine too). i was super-friendly to her on both occasions, approaching her and starting con...

A.   6 November 2008: ps i also think she doesn't respect the r'ship boundaries. she still maintains contact with him as if he were a single friend. eg late night sms on weekends, sending private facebook song dedications, inviting him to join her on a hiking holiday ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend's facebook crush!

Q.   hi, when i first started seeing my boyfriend over a year ago, we ran into a female friend of his at a couple gigs we went to (she was an acquaintance of mine too). i was super-friendly to her on both occasions, approaching her and starting con...

A.   6 November 2008: i should add that when i've told him i'm worried about his feelings for her, he has said that he believes she would not be the sort of person he'd want a long-term serious relationship with. ie i am the better choice for having a family together. ... (read in full...)

Should I begin to distance myself?

Q.   I have a problem. My best friend annoys me. She's a very kind person but she tries way too hard. She's always been kind of insecure because she's (I'm really not trying to be mean by saying this, but it's true) one of the dumbest people I know. ...

A.   5 November 2008: sounds like your friend is insecure. chances are she is aware that she is less smart and less successful than you. a very hard position to be in. doesn't help the self-esteem much. i can understand how the over-compensation could get annoying. ... (read in full...)

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