A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is older than me and has had lots of sexual partners. Everytime he mentions them I get really jealous and upset, and I cant stop picturing him with all these different girls. How can I stop doing this? Its starting to affect our relationship. Thanks guys
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey guys, thank you for your advice. Ive spoken to him about this many times, and he just says that he cant help it, and he doesnt see a problem with it as its never showing them in a more favourable light to me (i.e. he's never said anything like; wish you'd use your tongue like sarah did etc etc)
ive spoken to him recently and he's said hes gonna stop, as he knows its upsetting me. i also found out that he's pretty jealous because im really close to my best friend who is a guy and straight. So i think we're gonna find a middle ground! Thank you everyone.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (20 April 2011):
 There's no easy way to do this. You just have to accept it, accept that he had a past with numerous partners, but then again it was his PAST. You cant change his past, neither can he. But you have to realize that it was in the past, and ultimately now, he's with you.
Dont ask for details of his past. Never ask for info that you cant deal with. You might want to know out of curiosity, but trust me, that'll just make it much, much worse to cope with later. In any case, you were not a part of his life when he was with all those women, so you cant blame him for that.
However, if you cant deal with it despite all this, then maybe you should leave. Because if it doesnt get better, it'll just get worse. Retroactive Jealousy is a serious problem, and very difficult for some to deal with. If you cant handle this guy's past, maybe you should be with a virgin instead.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2011): If he knows you get jealous and upset, he might be mentioning them on purpose because he gets a kick from your reaction. Sounds unfair i know but some are like that...and it might be why hes known a lot of women but not actually settled with many! Because it is a very off putting habit.Next time he starts talking about them. Yawn, check your watch and tell him you are getting soooo bored with him regurgitating his past at the drop of a hat. Hes an attention seeker and every time you get upset it feeds his ego. But once he feels to repeatedly talk about them is boring to you and he stops getting the required response his ego needs, he will stop talking about them.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (20 April 2011):
 Why would he do that, is he showing off? If he is worth keeping, ask him why he does it, and then ask him to stop doing it. Otherwise, I'd be walking away!
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A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (20 April 2011):
Well, there's a lot of people out there with your problem. You can read a lot of post like yours here.
I've been there before so I can tell you, you will never forget about his past. With time it will start bothering you less, and less. Eventually you will get used to think about that and it won't hurt as much any more. BUT he has to stop talking about this. If he keeps doing so, he's going to ruin your relationship.
If you want to stay in this relationship you'll have to stop holding it against him. At the same time, if you have recurring thoughts about this and it affects you, you will have to get therapy and even medication. Of course, you have to talk to him and tell him what you are going through. So he can help you, by not mentioning his past girlfriends.
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A
male
reader, thomas1214  +, writes (20 April 2011):
why dont you just ask him to stop? im in a relationship right now and i dont talk about my past things and flings. i would just find it rude and upsetting to the other because thats how i would feel.
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