A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i discovered that my husband had an affair back in the summer, he said it was sex only once and meant nothing, but he took her out to lunch at an expensive restaurnat and contiued phone contact for about a month. he has beg to keep our marriage together but i cant forive him and him being with this other woman is constantly in my head. how do i get over this should i contaqct the other woman to hear what sort of relationship this was.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008): I am in the same boat, I do not think I want to forgive him!!!
A
male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (30 November 2007):
 Hi. I can understand that you have a feeling of being lied to by your husband. And a feeling that you want to expose him for the lies he is telling you. He probably is lying, but if you think about it what do you gain by speaking to the other woman. The fact is he had an affair, whether once or a hundred. Saying it was only once is pathetic frankly, because you discovered him anyway, so presumably it would have carried on until discovery.
It is probably the pain of betrayal and deceit that is eating away at you and preventing foregiveness. If he had come right out and given you a full and frank and honest confession, you might be able to start forgiving. But all the time you feel he is lying, then you will not start the forgiving process inside your heart.
How you get over it? As said before you won't until you feel he has confessed truthfully to you. The ball is in his court.
Threaten divorce unless he starts being honest. You have no alternative.
Good luck
Richard
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A
female
reader, pgissyd +, writes (30 November 2007):
 NO! Do not contact her, you will either hear stuff you dont want to hear, or they would already have a story and you would only hear what hubby has already told you.
If you love your husband and want to forgive him, the only way you are going to move forward is lots of talking to find out what went wrong. The best way of course, is counceling, marrage counceling.
But you need to ask yourself if you want to forgive him, if you dont then your door is open to kick him through xxxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2007): You could contact her - but do you really want to hear. She may lie or she may tell the truth but you still won't know for certain. You have to decide if you want to stay with him. It will always be on your mind and he may do it again. I would say, if he had sex once with her, he will have done it again.
Do you want a man like that?
You can move on -
I have been on both sides. I have been cheated on and I have been the other woman.
Most women who have an affair with a married man really do not want to hurt the wife - at the end of the day, it is his doing,as he is married to you.
Do you really want to stay that way or have a chance to feel relief from the burden of wanting to know
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