A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i don't know what to do...i was in a long distance relationship for almost 5 years, and things were not going well... he's always been insecure, never trusted me enough and i was going through a rough time in my life... i really needed his support and he wasn't there for me.so, i decided it was time to make a change - i broke up with him.at first, i felt free. it was quite nice not having to give up so much to make someone, who was making me miserable, happy.the thing is, in the back of my mind, i always thought we would get back together. he'd broken up with me several times before and we'd always get back together in no time, but this time, that didn't happen.i asked him why and he said he didn't know...i asked him if he still loved me, and he said he doesn't know...thinking back, i guess i broke up with him to make him realise that he couldn't take me for granted, and it totally back fired on me.when we talk, i feel he's doing fine... he said he misses me, but i guess not enough to actually be with me.meanwhile, i can't get over him! it's been 5 months and everytime i remember him, my heart sinks, and my stomach turns... i know it will be best for me if we're not together... he made me suffer a lot! i just don't know how to make the heartache go away and move on!do you guys have any advice?
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male
reader, GhostChild  +, writes (4 October 2011):
 You made a really risky move, and it backfired on you. If you really miss him and really want him back, then all you can do is talk to him and tell him how you feel. Tell him that you miss him and breaking up was a mistake. If he agrees and is willing to get your relationship another shot, then you're in the clear.But first ask yourself - do you really want to get back together?You say that you were miserable with him and that he never trusted you and he also broke up with you more than once before. Are you sure this is the boy you want to be with?Relationships end for all sorts of reasons, every single one has its problems and issues. When you think back, it can be really easy to just remember the good times, which make you feel bad about breaking up. But remember that there are reasons that you broke up with him in the first place as well. Don't look back on your relationship through rose-tinted glasses. Give it some serious thought and try to put your emotions aside, then if you still want to be with him, talk to him. Otherwise, getting over a relationship takes time. The best thing to do is to keep your mind busy. Accept that your relationship didn't work out, and take things that remind you of him and put them away somewhere out of sight. Having reminders like that will only upset you. Then do what others have suggested, keep yourself busy, take classes, go out and meet new people. The important thing is you start to move on, best of luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni asked for advice on how to get over him, and not to be judged on my actions. i recognized my mistakes, but i don't need someone judging me more than i already judged myself.
i came here for help and not for this.
you were not helpful at all, so very confused.
tks serenity 80, it was a good advice, i'll do that! =)
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 October 2011):
 No it's NOT ok for him to toy with YOUR feelings but YOU allowed it. OWN your behavior.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2011): I totally agree with the first post on this site. Emotions are not to be toyed with. Sorry to say, but this was a stupid move on your part. In a serious relationship, someone should never "break-up" in hopes of getting the chase thrill out of it. I, of all people, know that long distance relationships can be hard because my husband and I dated long distance for 4 years before we married. They are not for everyone. If you feel the need to create a thrill for yourself because the relationship isn't giving you that, then try different tactics. Consider doing something you love for a full day, or maybe even phone or skype sex. Do not expect the thrill of the 'chase' to fulfill that need for you. And remember, this is advise for your future relationships, because this one seems to be beyond mending. You are young....get out there in the world and have fun! Date lots of young men, and DO NOT break up with someone with the expectation of getting back together. If you feel the need to do that, then maybe you are not mature enough to handle a serious relationship in the first place. I wish you all the luck!
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A
male
reader, serenity80  +, writes (3 October 2011):
You can't get over him because you won't allow yourself to get over him.
Write him a "good bye" letter. Don't actually give it to him, just write it.. put all your thoughts and feelings.. explain why you have to move on with your life, and wish him the best in the future.
Get rid of the letter when you are ready.. and then MOVE ON.
You have such an AWESOME life ahead of you. Really, it is that true. Learn from this, don't be bitter. Move on... and make the most of your life.
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A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (3 October 2011):
Even if you made the decision for the wrong reason, you made the right decision when you broke up with him. He seems like he is stuck in a rut and has been for some time. When I was around your age, I broke up with a long-term boyfriend under similar circumstances. We were together for almost 5 years. It was extremely difficult for me emotionally because we had been together for almost one-quarter of my whole life! I thought I would never love anyone like I lived him, but shortly after our relationship ended I met the man who is now my fiancé; the truth is, despite what I had thought, I had not truly experienced love until I met him.Only one thing can soothe the pain that stems from ending a long-term relationship subside and that is time. You need to fill yours with activities, preferably ones that get you out of the house. If you are in college, join a club or two that interests you--or, start your own! If you are not in college, perhaps you could look into volunteering at a local nonprofit or library, or consider looking into taking a class or two at a local community college or university so you can work on a degree and meet new and interesting people.You were together for a very significant portion of your life, but the pain will start to fade. When you think about him, do not dwell on the ending of your relationship, try to see it as the beginning of a new friendship with a person you care about.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok... but who says i1m not doing this already?
besides, it's ok for him to toy with my feelings over and over, but when its my turn, i'm the one who gets hurt...
great advice! =/
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 October 2011):
Yep, you get up and go out and make friends and get a hobby or take a class and MEET new people.
AND you learn... emotions are not to be toyed with... do not BLUFF in a relationship and do not leave someone in hopes they will chase you.
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