A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Whats the opinion on boyfriends watching porn now and again? My bf and i have been together for three years now, live together. one day last year i found in our computers history that he had searched for some porn. not just for a porn site however but for a specific type of woman ie hair colour (not mine) and so on. it hurrt that he had searched for such a specific type of woman not too mention the feeling i had when i realized i might not be a part of his fantasies anymore. i told him he felt very guilty and i asked him that if he must, to please at least delete the history so i never find it in the future. recently he has become sloppy with this technique and has begun watching more and more porn at nights when im not around, and not deleting the history. is it normal for guys to watch a bit of porn or should i be concerned that the recent increase in viewing could have something to do with our relatinship. it makes me uncomfortable to find it and i dont know what to say to him. i have asked him to watch it with me but he ignored the suggestion. thanks for any insight!
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (21 February 2010):
 Sorry, your other question wasn't tackled. It doesn't sound like he has a addiction problem. He only looks when you are not around. He maybe missing you a bit if your going out more regularly, or he may want more sex than your currently having. It may be just that he's under stress more and needs a quick way to relax. He doesn't sound like he has any problem with pornography that you should be worried about. Try to increase the amount of sex you and him have, this might decrease how much he uses it. But he sounds like a normal guy to me.
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (21 February 2010):
You didn't mention if your relationship has deteriorated or if he shows you less attention or if your sex life has got worse.
Totally agree with your method of "keep your porn use to yourself, I don't want to know". He's becoming careless, so now it's in your face again. You have every right to tackle him about it again. You don't like pornography, you don't like the fact that he uses it, you don't want it in your life. Tell him if he can't remove evidence of his usage, then he probably shouldn't be doing it in a house you share together. You've been fair, and your request is fair. Tell him to stop leaving his porn history on your computer where you can see it.
Another solution is for you both to have separate accounts and log in passwords on the computer, so he can have his own private area and you can have yours. You have every right to tell him it offends you and you really don't like coming across it, so either he is more careful or he stops looking at it completely.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2010): hah! my signifigant other / girlfriend whatever it may be thinks of me as cheating if i look at porn, we don't really watch it together i havn' altogether tried, but she isn't against it. she wants to see female only action, she was in a relationshp that they regularly watched porn together but i try not to delve too much into her past relationships because of how many things she did with X b/f and Y b/f and has yet to let me experience, its like they ruined my woman.. but im getting into my problems. porn is porn, he should respect you and you might want to reconcile this relationship. peace
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (21 February 2010):
A bit of porn is one thing. But to be watching it more and become worse in bed is an indication that he has an addiction. You tried to be nice and said you would prefer for him to at least delete the history. He hasn't done that. Now you need to be tougher and tell him you're worried about the relationship because of the increase in him watching porn.
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A
female
reader, veronika  +, writes (21 February 2010):
 If he's watching it increasingly more and more often, then that could be a sign of porn addiction, or he isn't interested in the relationship anymore. I always take it as a bad sign if someone watches porn more and more as time goes on in a relationship. If he was watching it consistently maybe a couple times a week, that may not be cause for concern, but if he's watching it more and leaving evidence of it, then that could be a sign that he's hooked on it or doesn't value your and his relationship as much as he used to.
It was a simple request you made: you didn't ask him to stop watching it completely, you merely asked if he could delete the history so it's out of sight, out of mind. And he didn't comply with this reasonable request. You need to be straight forward with him and tell him that the request is very simple, and that if he doesn't compromise then it puts a strain on the relationship.
I don't want to get into the whole debate about whether it's "normal" or not to watch porn - some would argue it is, but others would say it isn't and you probably won't get a straight, correct answer on that - because there isn't one.
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