A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello there. Well firstly I’d like to thank you for reading. So I’ve written asking for help on this subject before and I still don’t know what to do. It is driving me insane. I’ve been with my boyfriend for seven months, but recently I keep obsessing over the idea that I’m a rebound to him. He was with his ex for nine months (ish) and four months later we met and I feel head over heels for him. She was much older than him. He was only twenty at the time and she was in her thirties. She had children of her own. After three months they were engaged and six months later she broke up with him - which worries me.When I first met him I thought nothing of it, but now I keep obsessing over and I’ve nearly broken up with him over quite a few times. Last time I was drunk and I texted him saying it was best we didn’t see each other any more while he was away at work. He came all the way back. I asked him if I was just a rebound (this isn’t the first time I’ve asked) and he explained that when they first started seeing each other it was only about sex. He said that when he asked her to marry him it was one of those things he said without thinking (he as a tendency to say things without thinking) and started to think as soon as he’d asked her how can he get out of it. He also said that when he sat down and thought about it her breaking up with him was the best thing that ever happened.Despite this I still can’t stop thinking about it. It makes me feel sick. How can he ever love me the same way? I’m not the love of his life and I can probably never make him nowhere near as happy as she could. I imagine him saying the same things to her as he says to me. I want to believe him, but I can’t. I’ve put him through a lot of shit lately and he’s been a saint for putting up with me. I’ve been under a lot of stress lately and I’ve also recently been diagnosed with depression. So no it doesn’t make me the easiest of people to live with. My best friend said not to end it and that if I was a rebound he wouldn’t stick around. I just don’t know what to do. I can’t help but always think of the negatives, when I know deep down there are more positives. Please help!Thank you for reading.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 July 2011):
 You need to stop this behaviour before you lose him. You are punishing him for his past when it is not his fault. OK yes I am sure that he did love her, but she finished with him and he has moved on now. You know you can love more than one person, so yes maybe he did love her once but he is with you now because he wants to be. If this was just a rebound and he was not interested in you well he wouldn't still be with you. He is staying with you even though you keep questioning him about things. That shows that he is dedicated to you and he is the one that's suffering all the accusations.
You need to start taking small steps on changing and showing him that you trust him. She is his past and you are his present so don't judge him on this. Bury the past and just look forward to the future. He is with you now not her so let it go before it destroys your relationship. Have more faith in yourself and show him that you can be a good loving girlfriend. Go on nights out with him and have some fun together. Spend quality time together without talking about his past.
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