A
female
age
30-35,
*ervy
writes:Hi Guys,I have been going out with my boyfriend for a couple of months, and we decided to have sex recently. I was a virgin until then, but completely happy to give myself to him. The only problem is, I guess I'm still a little nervous or shy. I really don't feel up to 'participating' - he wants me be go on top, and I really don't want to. I totally understand that sex can't be one sided, but everytime he mentions it I just feel absolute dread. I'm not 100% sure why this is, but I was wondering if anybody had some suggestions, or similar experiences. Thanks in advance Aunts and Uncles!!
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female
reader, mervy +, writes (4 March 2010):
mervy is verified as being by the original poster of the question thanks guys,i'm relieved to hear that i'm not the only one who's felt like this. i have told him that im not real keen on it, but because i coudln't put a reason to it, its hard for him to understand i think. he's not pushy, but i know i'm not being fair on him, making him do all the work. thanks so much for all your answers!mervy.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2010): Have you told him this? If you feel safe enough to have sex with him, then you should feel safe enough to tell him you need sex to go a little slowly. I'm sure he's pretty excited that you guys have gone to this next level and sometimes men can assume we're the same as them, which we aren't, and he probably has no clue that you're not ready to already be swinging from the rafters having wild monkey sex (like he's been fantasizing about his whole life! haha).
Just be honest and maybe if you've opened up to him about this then you won't feel so timid about doing different positions when you know he's aware of how you feel. :)
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A
female
reader, ChristineAvril  +, writes (4 March 2010):
 I know what you mean; it took me a long time to get used to being on top and I'm ok with it now, but I still prefer him to do all the work.
Take it slowly, there is no rush.
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A
female
reader, Tine +, writes (4 March 2010):
 Everyone is quite shy when they are first introduced to sex and it is totally normal. If you don't feel up to it just simply say no and ask him to try it a way in which you are comfortable with. The more experience of it you get the more comfortable with it you wil become.
If you do want to try it, just do it the once to see how it feels you never know you might like it better than the other ways in which you try it, however if you don't just stop and change position. There are a few good books or there to help you or even try on the internet for some tips! Good luck!
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