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I am messed up here...what does this guy want from me?

Tagged as: Dating, Sex, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (2 November 2009) 2 Answers - (Newest, 2 November 2009)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Hi there,

I am so confused about a guy i am seeing. We have known each other about 3months and have met up a few times for casual sex. but he says he wants more than this, and is depressed about not being in a relationship. he usually says this by text message or when hes 'under the influence'. but i managed to get it out of him sober, so maybe he does mean it. The problem is, i messed up. i told him all i want is a casual relationship, because i thought he was saying it to get his way with me. and now he has changed his mind. i didnt mean this! i was just trying to protect myself! i dont want to get hurt by this guy. he may not have meant it in the first place, but i'll never know now unless i lay all my cards on the table and risk rejection! the second problem is, we live 2hours apart, and i do all of the travelling. we met whilst i was visiting family there. he has offered to come and see me, but has now changed his mind. its too far apparently. i care alot about this guy, and i am sure he feels the same about me. we have some real heart to hearts about things when we are together. i can talk to him like a friend, with all the benefits of a boyfriend, but no real commitment. he says he hasnt been with anyone but me in the last 3months, which i believe. along with 'you're the best i've ever had' which was an ego boost. but he well and truely confused me the other week. i offered to go there especially to see him. to book a room and spend a few nights together. no reply. his excuse: 'it didnt feel right just having sex with you and leaving. is that really what you want?' so he ignored me, without even the courtesy of a message to say he couldnt meet me. but it didnt bother him meeting up for an afternoon of the same a few days ago. he has apologised for not getting back to me the other week. and has introduced me to his close friends. he says he is afraid i am using him, and i told him i'm not, and that i do genuinely like him. alot. but i may never have heard from him again if i hadnt made the effort! what does this guy want from me?

View related questions: depressed, his ex, text

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A female reader, sangee India +, writes (2 November 2009):

he just wants to some kind of relationship with u only for few days. its not a everlasting relationship. its better to break up!!!

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A male reader, DoubleM United States +, writes (2 November 2009):

DoubleM agony auntIt simply sounds like he is not as "into you" as you may wish.

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