A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am married and having an affair with an ex, who is also married. My marriage has been going downhill for the last 2 years. My husband and I have argued and talked many times and divorce always seems to come up. But when it comes down to it, I think my husband just doesn't want to face the reality of it.This other man and I met again (after 10yrs) about 6 months ago very unexpectedly. I have always been in love with this man and would do anything for him. Although he and I have had very serious talks, neither has professed love to the other...ever. We have said just about everything but that. I want to tell him how I feel, but am afraid that if by chance he doesn't feel the same then I will send him running. He has told me before that he felt that I was the one he was supposed to be with instead of her.Our first time around, I never asked him to leave her. When I realized he was staying for his kids (young at the time) I ended it and walked away. But still I have always loved him. I want to be with him and only him. Should I tell him or wait it out?
View related questions:
affair, divorce, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2011): So u want to go down this mistress road the second time?What have u learnt from your affair the first time? He did not leave his wife for u. Now do u think he will?Is your life so unworthy that u want to subject yourself as a mistress all over again? SSecond best all over again?Why?Either haul your ass into marital counselling or get a divorce. Don't become a second grade citizen. Again.LoveGirl
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2011): It could get ugly, but you need to decide what you want, and talk openly and honestly to both of them. Then make sure the actions of all three of you agree with what you said. Pretending just delays things, and things could get worse when a surprise hits the fan.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (23 March 2011):
I can tell you where this affair will go - nowhere. He won't leave her. If he wanted to, he would have done it a long time ago. He certainly wouldn't have cheated and then cheated again. Not a good sign on his part, or yours.
I think you need to forget this ex. It is painfully clear that you are the mistress, and always will be. He won't leave his kids, and I don't believe for a second he loves you. I think he knows you're in a bad place, and I think he's using it against you.
What's worrying is that you are now allowing your own life to be dictated to by men. You're stuck, you're unhappy, you're cheating, you're partially wrecking a family where there are children involved. It's just bad all around, and all that will happen in the end is you will have a reputation for being a home-wrecker and a cheat.
You have GOT to get your own life in order, right now. End the affair - you don't seriously want to be a mistress all your life, knowing that you are hated by a lot of people for being part of wrecking a family. His wife will hate you, his kids will hate you, his family will question your motives, friends around you and people around you will judge you harshly for this. And that's even if he leaves, which he won't because he doesn't love you.
Also, sort out your marriage once and for all. You don't seem to have any real love or respect for your husband, and I think you need to end it and just move on.
Get control of your life again, and stop being used by a married man who can talk the talk, but won't walk the walk.
...............................
|
