A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 25 yr old girl in a relationship with a boy almost 4 yrs younger. While this relationship is working out well, the one before this was terrible. The guy I had known since forever (since I was 10 actually) but he kept cheating on me and we kept going back and forth for 3 yrs til I finally broke it off and in the midst of that I had 2 abortions. One in June 2003 when I was 21 and the next in Oct 2004 n i was 22 (I know how careless it was, but please don't judge me). The thing is I know I should have felt sad about it, but I did not. I can't understand the lack of emotion about that. I mean, I should have felt more, right?? And despite him not treating me well back then, he told me recently thru a friend's IM (we are not in touch at all though and we are in different continents) that he regrets letting me go and since then I feel like keeping in touch with him and have wrote him a couple of msgs online. But I am very happy with my present bf and we've been together for a yr n a half and he'd hate finding this out. I am so confused :s
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2007): Firstly, stop the confusion. That's allowing yourself to get needy when you need to be strong and rational here, about this ex bf and what he was and what he did to you. Confusion and painful feelings weaken a woman's resolve, especially when she had a right to be treated in a past relationship, with respect and it didn't happen. Secondly, in my books, what constitutes "cheating' is when you know, without a doubt, your ex bf was having a physical, sexual, without your knowledge. And that was focusing all his attentions and emotions on someone else and taking that, away from you. And yes,that did hurt and he wouldlikely do it again and again. He will never be trustworthy again, will he? So why are you confused? Just because he expressed regrets?? You would be nuts to leave a good relationship now and consider taking back this ex bf, wouldn't you?
Your current bf sounds like a gem so think with your head and keep yourself focused on the prize here. You have a bf who has stuck by you, treats you very well, loves you, has never cheated on you, respects you! Why would you even consider or hint at leaving paradise to go back to a hurtful, painful existence with an ex bf, who treated you like scum. Forget the memories and the old times, they are all, in the past. And if you can't forget, just think of the pain you endured with this ex. That should be enough to make you realize that you have the strength to go forward. While it complimentary to one's ego to have an ex bf step forward and state he regrets leaving you...that's all it is... ego. Think about the huge sacrifice and loss you will endure to satisfy an unhappy ex bf's, sad feelings. Kind of silly isn't it. Your ex's life is in complete charge of his own life now. Don't allow him to control your life! And remember, if this ex should ever contact you..tell him no further contact is to take place. If the ex bf won't let it go, tell your current guy what is going on (he should all that is happeneing) and both of you, set a tough boundary with this ex bf and stand strong, together. The ex will get the hint. Make the brave choices and keep usng your head, hun. Good luck and take care.
A
female
reader, Cateyes +, writes (26 May 2007):
 Why is it that men or women keep going back to the one's that keep hurting them? It's not love...probably something else if we get to the root of it. Do we not feel we deserve better? Do we not feel good about ourselves? Could be because they know we keep forgiving them, so that tells them it's ok to keep hurting us, to keep cheating on us, etc...and not only is that not right, it's not love, not real love. You are in a current relationship with someone you are happy with and things are going well....I would see where this leads you then to even think about taking the chance of your ex hurting you all over again. Why would you want to put yourself back in to that? Maybe you didn't feel sad because you deep down inside knew you two were not going to make it and you didn't want to bring a child in to this world taking care of the baby by yourself. I don't know why, only you do. But learn from it as we all learn from mistakes. I'm not going to judge you...just remember to take precautions even in the heat of the moment. The body can take a tole on such things and one day you may never get pregnant because of them. Just something to think about. Lastly, if your current boyfriend was to even find out about the texts, you should assure him you do not care about your ex and that you love him. Assurance to him, no strings, no lying, just the truth...remember, it's about love, communication, respect, trustworthiness, and caring/thoughtfulness towards one another that make or break a relationship.
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A
male
reader, kenny  + ♥, writes (26 May 2007):
 I would treat your relationship with this ex of your as water under the bridge. He treated you very badly, cheated on you, so the likellhood is he has not changed.
You are now happy in a new relationship, with who i assume treats you good. So don't ruin what you have now by getting in touch with your Ex, put it all down to a past experience and get on with your life.
Good luck x
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (26 May 2007):
 You shouldn't be. He mistreated you, and there's no reason why you should even be bothering with him. If he cheated on you, and caused you to have two abortions, you shouldn't be talking to him AT ALL. You're happy, and if you continue keeping in touch with him, there's a large possibility of losing what you have now. If that's ok with you, go for it.
DV1
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