A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been dealing with a problem for quite some time now and all the advice I've been getting is unacceptable to me (no offence). So basically I've been secretely dating a girl for the last 5 months or so and I love her more than words can express. The only problem is she's already dating a guy so basically she's dating two guys at the same time until she can decide between us. When we first started going out she tried to break up with her boyfriend so we could date but her parents rejected the idea and said she couldn't break up with him and she could no longer even be friends with me. Her parents said this because of the trouble in my past. I don't want to force her to decide because I don't want to risk her listening to her head and not her heart. Honestly I don't know what I should do because even though she doesn't realise she's hurting me by not deciding, I won't leave her and I want to be with her for the rest of my life. So other than the advice to forget about her because you think she is not worth it is there anything I can do other than sit back and wait for her to decide? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2007): let her take all the time she needs
we women prefer men who are understanding
A
female
reader, rambini  +, writes (9 July 2007):
 To be honest i think this girl likes the attention she gets from havin 2 guys fight over her. she has no intention of leaving the other guy n sayin her parents r forcing her is just an excuse, and the fact u sed that advice has not been acceptable only means that u havent heard what u want to hear. if u r here for people to say what u want them to say then there is no point asking for ppls advice, sorry if i seem harsh and good luck
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A
male
reader, nologo  +, writes (9 July 2007):
 As I see you wanna cross two options out here.
To forget her or wait for her is unacceptable.
It means that you are asking advice how to speed things up.
You should not press her to make decision in this situation.
Spend more time with her and learn her better - it may help.
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A
female
reader, LauraE +, writes (9 July 2007):
OK, her parents don’t want her to see you. They can’t have said she couldn’t break up with the other guy – how were they going to enforce that? It might take a week or 2 to make up your mind between 2 men, not 5 months. She doesn’t want to make up her mind. Why should she if you are willing to go on like this?
You have 3 choices, none of them easy.
1. Carry on as you are. You will probably be heartbroken in the end anyway.
2. Stop seeing her for a while and hope she realises she can’t do without you – high risk strategy. That’s the ‘all or nothing’ option.
3. Stop seeing her and mean it. More painful in the short term. But will be over sooner.
A wise man would go for number 3. I take it you are ruling that one out? Then I would say number 2. At least you get to find out one way or the other and end this strain.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (9 July 2007):
 No, man, if you put it this way, there is nothing else for you to do. However, I would try to make sure she is seeing the other guy just because her parents put pressure on her. Maybe she does like him.
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