A
male
age
30-35,
*phid
writes:I am currently engaged to a beautiful woman with 2 kids, the story is as follows.Beautiful woman was with self centered and controlling man that liked to see her bang other guys, she did not like this went though 10 years of this to stay married.We fell in love (1 year ago) (work colleague) and eventually this led to a very nasty breakup with her husband.I feel very guilty for causing this situation, spend life savings to buy house and ask her to Marry me (6 months ago). This was done in a time of much stress and sadness. Now that things have settled down, I can't believe that I am going to be doing this for the rest of my life, it is SO boring, I love her and I love her kids, but I don't want to live my life for them only, there are still things I want to do.I really meant it when I asked her, but I feel like I did it because I wanted to make things right. In fact I think I have made things worse.In addition I am financially supporting her (she was laid off), and she has a lot of debts (I now also have a lot of debt), I really don't think I can leave her because it would be a financial nightmare, the kids would be hurt (who I do love) and it would plunge their lives into another period of chaos.What should I do here?1) Continue on and suck it up, it's not that bad, it's just kind of boring, I may regret my life later on.2) Break up and leave a trail of destruction 3) Try and change her expectations of the relationship, I think if I was allowed to operate a bit more independently I could probably be happy in this situation, currently she expects me to not go out, because she can't go out etc...
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2010): Ahh, the age old question. After the flash of hotness of courtship is over, how to deal with the long haul of marriage? Such has been the undoing of many men.
You need to try to create some independence in the relationship. Go out. Do the things that you want to do in life (except not those that involve sleeping with other women). Then, from that perspective, take a look at your marriage and determine if you are happy. This all sounds so new, and sometimes we need a little time and work to "find ourselves again" now as this new, different, married person
A
male
reader, Aphid +, writes (29 September 2010):
Aphid is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks All, perspectives much appreciated.
I will try and keep things interesting, if I stay with them it will be 100% as it would suck for everyone to be in a half assed relationship.
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A
male
reader, bruce lee  +, writes (29 September 2010):
 I guess it's about what you think is right at the time. And what you're willing to live with.
What does all that mean?
It means if you want to break it off, do it in a sensitive and caring way. And if you stay with her, make sure you repeatedly tell her you love her.
Romance is the spice of life.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (28 September 2010):
 Having a conversation about how to make things better sounds like the sensible, adult thing to do (I'm assuming your age is wrong). The fact is that, however impulsive it was, you made a commitment to her and to her kids. Backing out because you're bored would be a loathsome thing to do. Talk to her -- you're in this together!
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A
male
reader, Aphid +, writes (28 September 2010):
Aphid is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry I am 28 not 16, I messed up signing up:S
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