A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am currently separated from H. Some few weeks ago,I indicated to him my intention to move on with my life. Reason being that I dont have it in me anymore to work on the marriage due to his series of emotional affairs since we got married 14 years ago. He then asked for another chance to work toward reconciliation,to which I did not agree to there and then. I asked him if he cut all contact with the woman he was having his last EA with for almost 1.5 years. He told me he did before he moved out but the info I have says the opposite. Anyway, two days ago I asked him to tell me where the ow lives because I want to have a talk with her. My intention is to get her side of the story, to know what really has been going on since H is not fully opening up about this. He has ignored my request for the info on the OW up to this day. I did explain to him that I want to talk to her with the hope to get closure on this. The other reason is I wanted to gauge his commitment level in as far as his wanting to work on the marriage is concerned. My question then is how would you interpret his ignoring my request for info on OW? Could it be he is afraid the OW will reveal more than what he told me? Honestly his actions are confusing me,don't know what to think about this anymore. Any thoughts?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 January 2012):
 It is simple really. He is hiding something from you, maybe this other woman does not know that he is married so he does not want her to find out, I am also assuming if he has been like this the whole marriage there is probably a lot that you don't know. You say he is having emotional affairs, but deep down you probably already know there is more to it than that. Honestly I don't think you would ever be able to trust him no matter how much closure you got, and how could you? He is always breaking that trust. It is better to drop contact with him now and move forward with your life, yes it will be hard to begin with but you will feel much better in time and you will be happier for it because he will no longer be able to hurt you.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (13 January 2012):
 Though this is not what you are asking, this is the first thing I'm saying. I doubt that a person who has "affairs" only has them at the "emotional" level, particularly if the affairs are numerous enough to become a "series". But even if they were only "emotional", since they are "a series" over a period of 14 years, that would be indicative of serious problems in the marriage. I don't think I would want to stay in the marriage. But that is only me.
Nobody can tell why he would not give you the information. It doesn't have to be that he's hiding his actual level of commitment to that woman. Maybe he wouldn't give you the address because he is in fear you will make a scandal? Who knows?
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