A
female
age
51-59,
*anai twin
writes:My boyfriend and I have been "sort of" living together (he still has his own place) for almost 3 years now and 2 days ago he just up and left to CA without telling me. I know where he is through friends of his. I also know that he is meeting old high scool buddies there. He hasn't called me yet, and I am totally bummed. I've tried to call and just texted him a few minutes ago. No reply. He has a tendancy to run everytime we fight but this latest has me tripin out. We have not fought about anything for a while. He left for work one morning with the usual kiss and smile, then got on a plane that night without telling me. I feel totally disrespected. Like all the "I love You's have him B.S. Just a lie. How do you think I should handle this?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2008): Hi there,on my search on the net I found your question. and guess what?the same happened to me with my bf. he left for a vacation without telling, not answering the phone over days and i got informed about his vacation from a third party. i got so mad and broke up on the mailbox, saying how disresptectful it was. well, he never called me again. and i am asking myself if i did the right thing. but i guess, men like these dont deserve us and breaking up immediatly actually is best thing to do.what have you done?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2008): If the guy didn't have the guts or whatever it is to tell you that he was leaving, he's a jerk. No guy should ever do that to a girl he loves or has deep feelings for. If he's not answering your calls then text message him and leave him one last message saying how you feel about this. Tell him that you're hurt and that he shouldn't treat you like this and that it's over and if he wants you back he's going to have to show some sympathy and put some effort into the relationship. Any girl who gets treated by their boyfriends' like this deserve way better. I know your feelings for him may still be there after all this but think to yourself what this guy has done and tell yourself that you deserve better and you will find better. If a guy ever does something like this he better have a really good explanation otherwise they are just jerks who don't give a shit and shouldn't deserve any girl.
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A
female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (27 July 2008):
 He has absolutely no respect for you. My hubbie wouldnt even go to the corner shop without telling me he was leaving the house!
I wouldnt even contact him but pack his stuff up and leave it outside for him x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2008): Well for starters STOP calling him cause he doesn't deserve any of your attention right now. I mean he just left town without telling you. That was indeed very disrespectful so have dignity and stop calling him.
Secondly, his behavior is a huge sign that things are going very badly in this relationship. A guy who loves you doesn't just skip town without telling his girlfriend. That he has done that shows that he is really taking your love for granted and has no respect for this relationship. And things are only going to get worse, so prepare yourself.
If I were you I would ignore him completely. You said you have your own place. So go to your place and stay there. If he calls you then I guess it is up to you to talk to him or not. But he's said enough with his actions and I don't think there is anything left to talk about really. If that were me, I wouldn't even answer his calls. And prepare yourself now, because he's acting out as a signal of the end of this relationship. So be strong and have dignity. Leave him alone. He doesn't deserve you.
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (27 July 2008):
 Wow. I am sorry that this happened to you. This is not the behavior of a loving individual. You've been together for 3 years and somewhat living together. The only reason I can think that he didn't want to tell you is that he felt it might turn into a fight with you not wanting him to go. If he is also in the age range you've listed 41-50 then I would say that this behavior is very immature as well.
You've asked how you should handle it and no one is in your shoes and so what we tell you will be what we'd do in our shoes. Take the bits that seem appropriate for yourself and do what you need to do.
I would have all of his things in boxes for his return and if you have access to his place, perhaps place them in it. I would tell him that he has trashed your trust and you are finding it very difficult to believe in the "I Love You's". I think the two of you need to have a serious discussion about what the meaning of your relationship is. Perhaps he is treating it as a "casual committment" and still feeling free to come and go as he pleases. Before he comes home, figure out what you want out of the relationship and determine if you are willing to cut him loose if he wants less. He doesn't respect your feelings and what he did is a pretty childish way to "get his way." If you let this incident go he will continue to disregard your feelings.
Take care.
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A
male
reader, TheHelpfullone +, writes (27 July 2008):
 This is very strange behaviour from him i take it, that would suggest 1 of 3 things to me: either:- 1st he has some personal trauma in life that could amount to anything from money to illness etc. that has caused him to take a break from everyone he knows, 2nd he is not true to you and has been seeing someone else, 3rd option he is a heartless person with no thought or regard for anyone else, and just wants to enjoy himself with his friends/buddies. If its the 2nd or 3rd option then you deserve better and should find a more loving decent man in your life as no-one deserves to be treated like that for no reason.I Hope this is of some help
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2008): HiHe is a complete coward and no good for you. He has treated you like crap doing a stunt like that. IF you truly love and respect someone you would tell them better still offer to take you with him. in my opinion to be blunt, he does not care about you ...sorry, no doubt whatsoever in my mind as an outsider. waste no more time on the plonker get a real man who treats you properly with love and respect. This happened to my sister and it is actually a cruel thing to do to somebody, even if you were only seeing him etc, nothing official. He would say he owes you no explanation, bet he does not say this when he's wanting to have sex with you. He does owe you the respect of sharing information like this out of caring about yur feelings. Get rid of the arsehole, don't waste your best years with a man like this, too many good men out there, to waste your life on him.
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