A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:this will be long but please take time to read. I badly need an advice right now :(--------------------------------------last week, I broke up with this guy whom i dated for exactly 2 years. we broke up because he doesn't make an effort anymore (or is it just me who doesn't appreciate the little things he did?) and because he's too busy. but he totally changed, and he admitted it. so we decided to break up since were not happy anymore though we love each other so much but we have to stop because were hurting so much if we continue.it hurts so much since there were lots of memories running in my head. the happy memories, he is so caring before but now its like i dont know him at all :~~~(so now, it has been a week and we didn't talk to each other anymore in chat or text ( we didn't see each other much often when were still together because he's busy). he didn't even greet me merry Christmas, it was i who greeted him first. i feel so stupid and desperate. :(((i opened his Facebook account and ran through his messages (i know it intruding but im curious.) he was chatting with her ex-mutual-understanding-thingy. so i messaged him asking if he still loves me and he said yes but he wants space or we should really break, officially and he wanted a clean break up because he don't wanna keep on hurting me. they were together yesterday night with his bestfriend and he even said in their chat that "i want another kiss (cheeks). haha, sorry if i get too addicted. but i can't explain it. thanks. I'm happy". but he's not yet deleting our pictures in his album and this morning he has a new status saying: "Sometimes you can forget who you are"I don't understand him at all!!! it's like he has already moved on. :'(im soooo jealous because i should be in that place but i can't do anything :((((( i feel like its also my fault because when we broke up i said: "sorry if i focus my attention to someone during our break time since its my way of moving on". i feel so cruel :(what should i do now? i know ill get through with this eventually but right now it hurts like hell thinking he won't be there anymore. :(( and should we break up in person? like see each other, talk personally to get things up and say an official goodbye? because i feel like it's wrong to end a 2-year-serious-relationship just in chat. please give some advice, sometimes it's better to asks advice to some strangers than your friends being too judgmental :((
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi! thank you for all your answers, recently i didn't contact him, didn't even try to read his messages because i noticed that it's hurting me more. So i was so surprised when i opened my account and saw that he messaged me. he said that he was so upset with the way i'm doing right now and he's really mad because his really jealous with the guys who i'm entertaining (i think?). and he also said that he knew that i'm opening his account that's why he purposely do those things?but he doesn't want to pursue me back because of the way im doing right now, giving the fact that he's really a jealous guy when we're still together.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2011): I am in the same situation as you but we are still together, we love each other very much but he has stopped trying to make any effort at all, its me that is making all the effort. He constantly lets me down but says he still loves me. I have told him i love him enough to let he go be happy with someone else,maybe you should do the same, as hard as it is.
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A
male
reader, LovelessAct1  +, writes (28 December 2011):
In your post, you said this: "i feel like its also my fault because when we broke up i said: 'sorry if i focus my attention to someone during our break time since its my way of moving on.'" If my girlfriend of two years said that to me before we took a break, I'd be pretty upset. In fact, I'd likely try my best to move on and get as much space from her as possible. You basically said "I'm going to use this break time to go out with someone else," which is the same thing as saying "we're done."If you just said this in the moment and didn't really mean it, clear it up now. Send him a message telling him that you didn't mean to say that and it just sort of came out. After sending that message, TAKE THE SPACE THAT YOU NEED. So far, you haven't abided by the "space" part that you both desparately need. You've been checking his Facebook account and tracking all his conversations; that's not healthy for you.If you really want to move forward from this (whether that means a complete break up or working out your problems in the future) you NEED space. Trust me. Having this time away from each other to focus on yourselves is important. But as I said, if you still want to clear up what you said before (about finding another guy), do it now so you both can rest easy before taking your space from each other.Good luck with everything.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2011): It sounds to me as though he has moved on and although I always think it's best to break up in person, you have already broken up and he has said he wants space, so I don't think that in your circumstances it is going to happen. Unfortunately, I don;t think you will get the closer your hoping for. Stop looking at his facebook messages, even though you shouldn;t invade anyone's privacy by doing that in general, you shouldn't be doing it to your now ex. I know it's hard and your curious, but all it is doing is hurting you more, and now what you need to be doing is healing from this break up. Spend time with friends, get some new hobbies and do not contact him for a while, until your ready to be just friends if that's what you want in the future, but for now take care of yourself and focus on yourself. Good Luck
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