A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My ex-boyfriend and I broke up about a year ago, because I may have to move to another country for some years and he cannot go with me. We still hangout sometimes and are very attracted to each other. We kissed and got physically intimate quite often, but after that, he always got really worried and regretted. He said that being physically intimate with me hurts him and he will try not to be that way.What is it that he is so afraid of? I sort of understand it but maybe I am not that sensitive as he is (he is very sensitive). I know I will miss him a lot after I leave, but I don't think that not being physically intimate with him now helps me not miss him later..again, maybe I am not that sensitive.. I asked him a couple of times but he didn't want to talk about it. Please share your thoughts??
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (28 December 2011):
 You both broke up a year ago because you *may* have to move?? Who did the breaking up, if I may ask, and why haven't you been together for the year instead of breaking up??
Why haven't you moved yet? I read your question many times, and this is the part that stuck with me. This relationship has been drawn out with a sense of impending loss (your possible exit). If he's as sensitive as you say, eventually he's going to want to put the distance between himself and you. He loves you, which is why he's still being intimate and are hanging out. However, it *does* hurt him, knowing that although he's with you know, you being possibly gone is still hanging over his head.
He *should* be distancing himself from you. He *should* be hesitant about continuing things with you, physical or otherwise. To have this kind of uncertainty about the future of a relationship is not healthy, especially since you've drawn out the pain over a year after having broken up with him.
I'm going to ask you a very serious question. Do you love him? Seriously, do you have any feelings for him? If you do, you'll let him go. You two have BROKEN UP. You can't draw out this "I might be leaving" thing because it's cruel and unhealthy to both of you. When you broke up, it was the right thing to do.
As for you being in limbo with your life, you really need to settle it once and for all. Are you leaving, or aren't you? Regardless of the answer to this, HE needs to move on. Don't subject him to this pain because you can't make up your mind whether or not you want to be with him or no. The "I'm leaving, so let's have this intense, bittersweet romance" thing has passed its expiration date, and his actions now show that even he knows it.
You have to either let him move on, or you commit to staying there and not leaving and resume the relationship in full, because this while being in limbo broken up but still being intimate and going over why he's so sensitive.....that needs to end.
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