A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:If you have been in a good relationship for over two years, is that enough time to know whether or not you are "in love" with someone? Is that enough time to know whether or not this person is "the one?" Reply to this Question
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female
reader, lovedeprivedgirl +, writes (27 December 2012):
 Some people know right away when they are in love... You can know at any moment of your life... You don’t even have to be with the person when you realize it...I want you to really listen to me here...when you actually know that you are in love never let that person go and hold them tightly for all of eternity... I lost my love and haven’t seen him in over 2 years... I won’t go on with my sob story no one wants to hear it anyway... But anyway you may know that you’re in love with them at the first glance...but it can also take years...but if you even have to ask yourself do I really love this guy... or do i realy love this girl... then your not in love. You will know when you’re in love a very strange, yet calming and warm feeling ill come over you can never leave your side... see but remember there is a difference between loveing someone, and being IN LOVE with someone.Because when you love someone, you can love many, but when you’re in love with someone they’re the only person that you are in love with and they will always be the person that you are in love with... i hope that i helped you and i hope you read this whole thing sorry it was so long
A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (8 December 2012):
Good analysis by "CindyCares".
It's interesting that her last paragraph mentioned seeing your partner's interactions with his/her family members. After I met my wife, we did much of our dating while houseguests of each other's families. I think that observing each other with our respective families, as well as our own interactions with the other family, made significant contributions to the development of our relationship.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 December 2012):
 believe it is enough time. I have always known early on when I was going to be serious with someone. Usually by 6 months of regular (read daily) contact.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 December 2012):
 Yes, two years are more than enough to know if you are in love. Not to know if it is true love, or if it will stand the test of time, maybe, but if you are in love, I'd say you know it well , after 2 years. Also because researchers say that the real " in love " stage only lasts 18 months to 3 years, to change then into something perhaps equally strong and intimate, but also less passionate and exciting.... So , if you have to wait too long to be sure you are in love... you'll probably never will be.
As for knowing if he is the one, well, you never really know it for sure, seeing the divorce rates , and the fact that people break up even after 15, 20, 30 years of marriage... but one should at least know if , by betting that this is " the one ", she is making a reasonable, low risk bet. Are two years enough to know it ? I think it depends. It depends from the relationship, how much you kept it real, how seriously and intensely you lived it.
For instance, if it was two years of some internet LDR, no, you don't know, you love the words on a screen and the image you have in your mind of that person, but you don't know he is the one.
If you have lived it superficially, mostly meeting to hang out , have fun, going out with friends in recreational places , bars clubs etc, and chitchatting about superficial things, it may have been fun, even a blast, but no, you really don't know how's the person in a non social, intimate dimension.
Strangely enough, even if it all was good and you never had problems and troubles and arguments at all... that does not tell you he is the one. Because it is easy to get super along when everything is fine, families like each other, there are no work pressures, no money problems, no important decisions to take... but to know if he is the one, you must have had the possibility to see how you get along also in front of stress and problems.
So, I guess, it all depends if in two years you have had the chance to see the person in all his facets , not only how he is with you as a boyfriend , but how he is with his parents and family, with friends, at work, with money , with decision making etc. etc.
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A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (7 December 2012):
{Insert standard disclaimer here, about how it varies from one person to another, everybody is different, etc, etc, etc}
Yes, two years should be long enough to know that you're in love. It's also long enough to know that you're NOT in love.
There's obviously more to this question. What are your expectations for "being in love"? Being in love is just as much something you decide, as it is something that simply happens to you. There is a very long list of compatibility traits that interact in complicated ways, to make it more likely you'll love one person rather than another. Many of us only begin to recognize these traits and their interplay after many years or even decades of life experience. And, some are more willing and able to adapt or modify these traits than others.
Similarly, the person who is "the one" is likely to be somebody who you chose to make "the one" - and you chose to be "the one" for that person.
For the record: I was well along toward being in love with my wife before I even laid eyes on her. We wrote to each other, real letters on real paper, increasingly serious, for three months before we even met. That was at the suggestion of a (much older) mutual friend who knew each of us well and recognized some of the compatibility traits. By the time we met, had a first date, and a first kiss, I knew that I definitely wanted to love her and be "the one" for each other. By a month after that I had to admit that I loved her, and about three months after meeting I asked her to marry me. But we were still learning to love each other when we married, just a year plus two weeks after our first meeting. And the love we have now - coming up on 40 years after first writing to each other - is not the same as the love we had then.
On the other hand, our son didn't make that decision and connection through most of his 20's. He took more than three years to become truly in love with his (now) wife, and not marrying until he was in his early 30's.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 December 2012):
 Everybody is different and it takes everybody different lengths of time to fall in love or to know that they have found someone they want to spend there life with. Now looking at your case personally I think 2 years in a serious relationship should be more than enough time to know if you are in love with the person or not!
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A
female
reader, LoveForeverxoxo +, writes (6 December 2012):
Ive been in a relationship for over two years with this guy and i am very much in love. If you feel you know his personality and he loves you very much to i would let yourself fall. but also if your not sure your inlove then you most likely arent yet. When your in love with someoe youll know for sure if hes the one or not. You cant time it. it just happens
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