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How do you know a married man is sincerely in love and not pursuing an affair?

Tagged as: Age differences, Cheating, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 February 2008) 23 Answers - (Newest, 26 April 2011)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

My question is how do you know if a married man has fallen for you and whether his love is honest and not just looking for an affair? with an age gap Good advice needed and alot of advice needed

View related questions: affair, married man

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2011):

I have been seeing a married man for the past 3 and a half years now and I love him so much. more that i have ever loved any man so i know how you feel. he has hurt me before, as i didnt even know he had a girlfriend and he got married without me knowing but because i love him so much i forgave him and continued with the affair. he tells me all about the problems he has at home and instists on he is not sleeping with his wife at all. but i know he loves me, from the way he looks at me when he sees me, the way he talks to me, the way he worries if im upset, its not all about sex, he says he misses me and i dont have to say it first for him to say it. he acts like my friend as in he is there when i need him and cheers me up when i need it, even slags me coz its fun!!! noone can tell you if this man loves you or not. only he knows and only you can feel if he truly does. i am willing to wait as long as it takes for this man to be mine, you have to ask yourself are you willing to wait??? if he leaves his wife he will lose everything and me knowing what he has i believe him, he is waiting for her to leave him. i hope this helps and good luck xx

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A female reader, untamed heart South Africa +, writes (22 April 2011):

Thank you for raising this question as i also have asked this myself. I do believe nobody can ever tell the sincerity of a married man apart from the person that man shares his love with. The sincerity of the person can be felt and not by words alone so no amount of words can ever convince his true intentions to you. We can't blame ourselves for thinking that the man might only after for an affair, as there are men who just like to have an extra affair or just simply a fling. There are also men who are not happy with their marriage but they can't do anything as of the moment for many reasons.

If i were you, just follow your instinct and know your limits. You must know that, in loving a person, no need to know if he is sincere or he has to be sincere... i guess, what matters is that we love and we are sincere. Do not expect him to be just what you have showed him. Afterall, it is the feeling of experiencing how to love a person that we are here for...If he isn't sincere then you will know it and i guess that gives you the reason to stop right? Love without expecting anything. Just enjoy the day you woke up and you are inlove even without him around you.When you love a person, you dont have to expect him to be there for you anytime you want especially for the married man, he will surely be with his family and relatives on weekends and special occasions.We can love a person silently for a period of time and if that love won't be reciprocated, it automatically fades just like the married people who used to be inloved before but fell out of love now.Being sincere with his love isnt an assurance that he will leave his family so waht is the point of knowing it? I guess just make him feel that you are worth his time and that you are also a friend to him.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2011):

Run. There are other, better guys waiting for you. The problems with this dude will really start if he leaves his family. Then you will be stuck with a whiner who will blame you and himself for everything. Lovely.

Chances are that you are doing the wife a favor by getting this loser out of her house.

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A male reader, Smarternow United States +, writes (7 April 2011):

Run. There are other, better guys waiting for you. The problems with this dude will really start if he leaves his family. Then you will be stuck with a whiner who will blame you and himself for everything. Lovely.

Chances are that you are doing the wife a favor by getting this loser out of her house.

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A female reader, Amtgirl Guyana +, writes (6 January 2011):

Well first of all I dont think that you could ever really know if he loves you. I am in this relationship for a year now and sometimes I feel as though there is no us. I am sick and tired of him not calling me except for when he is coming over. He never promise to leave his wife and I made it clear I dont want him to do that.

Although I have agreed to this kind of relationship I honestly dont think it is healthy for me. I spent a very lonely christmas and that is what wake me up to reality. I need to get out of this relationship asap or else I am going to lose it soon. He is 24yrs older than me but I truly love him. wish I could say the same for him.

I must say he treats me like a lady is supposed to be treated but the problem is I cant always have that. Please dont make the mistake to fall in love with a married man. It is truly a life of pain and sorrow. I am trying to work my way out and wish ever woman in a situation like would do the same.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2010):

Well I be in this relation ship for about almost 5 years with child. He says he is not with wife and she got her own thing going on.On top he say he have to baby sit for his lil son and the order kids when the mother is gone. I just dont get it. I never say not to go see ur kids its just the kids are grown and the youngs kid have the big kids to look after the lil one. I feel like I need to leave. Really just dont know what I got myself into I thought i had the anwser for not getting involve with an older man, on top with a married man who knows better then myself.

I try to leave many times but he will always hold me back telling me not to leave and its his child too. Its not like I will keep a man's child from him. I just need to know if I'm doing the right thing by me staying for so long were I can see its not looking like its going anywhere far as me and him .

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2010):

Well I be in this relation ship for about almost 5 years with child. He says he is not with wife and she got her own thing going on.On top he say he have to baby sit for his lil son and the order kids when the mother is gone. I just dont get it. I never say not to go see ur kids its just the kids are grown and the youngs kid have the big kids to look after the lil one. I feel like I need to leave. Really just dont know what I got myself into I thought i had the anwser for not getting involve with an older man, on top with a married man who knows better then myself.

I try to leave many times but he will always hold me back telling me not to leave and its his child too. Its not like I will keep a man's child from him. I just need to know if I'm doing the right thing by me staying for so long were I can see its not looking like its going anywhere far as me and him .

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2009):

i am sleeping with a married man at times i really wish he was mine, theres just so much passion like him being there for me.. catches his little jeoulosy momments where it seems like he realy is feeling me but i know at the end of the day he aint gonna leave his wack ass wife. personally i dont wanna be responsible for ruining someone household.. the sex is good but i am gonna let em go soon. thats my new years resolution. i dont need em... but it being so wrong makes it exciting.... and yeah they lie and we pretend its true but i mean if i can change his mine and he decides to leave her...HEY!!!

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A female reader, helpisontheway Australia +, writes (3 October 2009):

helpisontheway agony auntsweety get out of it..ive been in it for 4 years they will not divorce their wives..if it not the wife,itl be the kid.or wait for the child to finish school,or get married.

its bullshit there is a 12 year age diff between me n him yes he may be emotionally and physically involved with me..but remember something if he really loves you..then u know longer will be a secret rite?..

good luck..if you need advice pls dont hesitate.

love xxx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2009):

I want to start off by saying; "Love yourself". Now I want to share something; When I was a teenager my brother had this fried and they are still friends; SOOOO fine; anyway he liked me and I liked him some years older then me; I told him I wanted him to be my frist;and he was ;and he is married I"am wrong for still seeing him for all these years;so so it it"s not a matter of is this married man sincerely in love or pursuing or not. I see him when we see each other;Iam in school and he has a wife and family and a place of work: IT IS WHAT IT IS!!!!!!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2008):

If he's married and pursuing an affair, you can be certain that if his lips are moving he is lying to you. I know from the hourses mouth, my husband (now finally in therapy)after years of on again, off again cheating. He told me that he would have said anything - more than once did - to get into someone's pants.

His behavior is not atypical of men who cheat. They are looking everywhere but inside to solve their problems. They end up making themselves and everyone involved with them miserable.

If he respected you and genuinely loved you, would he still be with his wife and turn you into some dirty little secret? No, he would leave his wife, get his act together and then pursue you. No matter what else he might say to you (and these guys are charming) if he is still married and not filing for divorce you know everything you need to know. Run, don't walk, to the nearest exit.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2008):

If you women were treating your men right, then they wouldn't be looking for an affectionate female instead of staying with a cold fish. You have them by the neck because of alimony and child support. My husband cheated on me and I know some of it was my faught. Give your man the attention he deserves so he can stop praying on our emotions.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2008):

I already know because I'm in love with a married man and i wouldnt want anybody to fall in my footsteps, its the most hurtful and loniless shit you could ever do. I wish i had NEVER got into the mess that im in !! You get No holidays,and at night you lay in your bed so alone!! I want to get out but im 4 years into it and its hard, I really need help

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2008):

If he cheats on his wife with you he's hardly trustworthy is he? If he loves you then he should wait until he's left his wife before pursuing you. That way you'd know he was serious and his advances to you woulnd't be for an affair. It would also be much fairer on his wife

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2008):

Yes, see if he will tell his wife.

And, of course, don't just take the guy's word that he told his wife and she's cool with it. Test that idea independently to see if she really knows the whole story about you and the fact that their marriage is "over."

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2008):

Hello1 hit the nail on the head.

If he hasn't told his wife, he is not sincere, simple as that! x

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (24 February 2008):

Laura1318 agony auntIf he give you the 5C's, Cash,Car, Condo, Credit Card,and Country club membership.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2008):

Wrong!! - Many married men WANT to leave their wives. However, the problem is guilt and the law. If most men were able to have amensty for a day to get out of marriage for one day. The lines would be full at City Hall.

Yes, you need to know he's sincere. Most of the females here are bitter and older. You may even be their competition.

He needs to show you his plan. He needs to set goals and milestones to show his sincerity. From this you can decide his direction and honesty. I had a wife that chested on me, Am I wrong to have possibly falen for someone else. You make the decision.

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A female reader, Aylarsh United States +, writes (24 February 2008):

Aylarsh agony auntA Married man won't leave his wif for you!! No way honey.

He'l just want a little play thing and use you up until he finds someone thats youger than you. Stear clear of this man! Find yourself someone new that loves and cares for you.

Good luck love!

3

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States + , writes (23 February 2008):

Tisha-1 agony auntHe may have fallen for you, but that doesn't mean he'll leave his wife.

He's not being honest with his wife or you, unless he's moved out and has filed for divorce and has admitted that he wants to be with you to his wife.

Somehow, this doesn't sound like what's happening here.

Don't give spend time on a man who is unavailable...

Age gap, I assume you're young and lovely? And he's older and sure of himself?

Oh, dear, this won't end well for you unless you don't care that he'll never leave his wife.

Sorry to be blunt, but you know you need this advice or you wouldn't be here!

All the best.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2008):

They are just out the for the 'cake and eat it' bit on the side, sorry but that is the blunt truth. I know, i was the little wife left at home with two little kids, when my pig had three affairs. Sorry, also, but if there werent any mistresses in the world, marriages wouldnt fall by the way side. I think you need to walk away with your head held high and get one who is free and single and yours 100% because this one wont be.

Take for instance Christmas, do you think for one minute he is going to spend all of it with you, er no way, you will be lucky if you see him briefly during the holiday season. That is just one instance.

Have some bloody pride girl and walk away now before more than one person get hurt, you will always be the one sitting at home waiting for him to ring, never the other way round. And remember he is lying to her as well as you. He will say he doesnt love her anymore, BOLLOX!

take care

xx

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A female reader, hello1 United Kingdom +, writes (23 February 2008):

hello1 agony auntIf he splits with his wife. It's that simple

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2008):

Honey, his love could never ever be honest. If somehow you end up being together, how could you ever tell if he's being truthful? If his love was honest, he would finish with his wife and be with you. Obviously, his feelings aren't that strong, so you could never trust a man. Once he has cheated, there's nothing stopping him going back (in most circumstances). When a married man cheats, it's impossible to tell if he loves you. No matter what, he's lying to one of you, and doesn't want to come out with the truth.

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