A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I do not know how to really say this but I am 18, I am a virgin and I have never actually been kissed. I want these things, I want to be kissed, I want to have sex. But I cannot find anyone who wants me? I want a relationship but I have never had a boyfriend. I have never even had an orgasm...I get turned on but I never get...there. As much as I want this I am very confused. How do women find someone who wants them? I don't even mean like a serious or long term relationship...and yes I am being serious.
View related questions:
never had a boyfriend, orgasm Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (5 February 2016):
 WiseOwlE wrote a very long and VERY sanguine post of how to go about it, and he is right.
Knowing yourself, loving yourself is always a good start.
Know WHAT you like in others, what you like in life is another good step.
Let's say you really like avant garde art. Finding a good gallery or going to museums to find you new favorite piece of art and it could happen you meet someone who ALSO love avant garde. Or you like puppies and kittens, so you volunteer at an animal shelter. Or you take a hobby class in pottery, photography or creative writing. YOU basically DO things you LOVE and in the process met OTHER people who like the same things. Sometimes you will met people you click with, some might become a friend, some might become something more.
Make friends (if you don't have any) do things you like, BE who you are and make NEW experiences happen.
And being 18 and not having kissed, it's really not a big deal. I know, I know it might seem like it is, but in reality it's not.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2016): There are a lot of young people who come to DC with your question. Not too surprisingly, people in their 20's, 30's, even 50's! I was a loner, but friendly. So people took me under their wing, and helped me to overcome some of my shyness and tendency to fly below radar.
First of all, you can't make finding love a mission. It is quite elusive, and you have to allow it to find you. How do you start? By liking yourself and getting comfortable in your own skin. This sends out a good vibe that draws both sexes to you. If you don't send out a friendly vibe, people will not feel attracted to you. It's not your looks, it's the signals you send and your attitude. The aura about you that says you're a sweet and interesting person. Of course you have to back it up with substance. By nurturing and building a personality to be liked for. You do have to make an effort to look nice, and show you have a little style.
Guys like that in a girl. Not always tee shirts and jeans like a lot of girls who come to this site and try drive down our throats. If you have one look, you get one kind of guy. Sometimes a guy likes to show you off. I'm sick of the crap about weight, size of your boobies, and zits. The world is full of people who can overlook this stuff! Not only people who can't! Funny thing, lots of unattractive people have girlfriends and boyfriends, husbands and wives. Why, because they don't give a hoot about what people think! Not to mention they're just cool like that! That's a reason to love them.
Making friends is an essential part of learning how to interact and communicate. Barring devices; not just through words, but connecting with people emotionally. If you don't practice just making friends; you put up walls of protection out of shyness, insecurity, and awkwardness. People hide behind devices and connect through social media, but when face to face...they're staring into the screens of their devices. While other people are standing around them. Then wonder why they can't find anyone to love them???
Seriously?!!
I've sat in restaurants that charge you out the yin-yang for a cup of tea; while people sit across from each other looking at their phones. By candle-light!!! Checking Tindr and Facebook while on a date!
Sweetie, guys don't just fall at your feet. You don't fall in-love instantly; and there's more to getting and keeping a guy than having sex and kissing him. That is, if you want a fun and interesting guy. One who shows you how he feels about you; and shows you he can connect in more ways than through social media, or lying on top of you.
Talk to people at school and work. Guys and girls. You have to overcome shyness. Not always wait to be approached; only to shrink away. Nor can you bulldoze your way into anyone's personal-space. It takes a little poise,confidence, and grace to attract guys. Not to be confused with prissy or girly-girly. That's nice too, but slightly annoying. They like to know you are a little out-going to introduce you to their friends and family, and to take you out.
Just smile when a boy says hi, respond if he tries to make conversation, and let other people introduce you to people. Being visible and open to people is how you meet "people" which makes connections with other people, which leads you to guys! Exposure, exposure, exposure! Let guys flirt with you, as long as it's done with respect and not mockery or vulgarity. You know the difference.
Shyness is okay for little kids. It's an instinct to withdraw from threats and strangers. We have to get past that stage, if we want to meet people and make romantic connections. I'm sick and tired of all the excuses and people running to a therapist; because they can't do what nature designed human beings to do. To connect with other people and to find a mate. It takes patience and effort.
You can't fear failure. You can't view rejection as proof you're unworthy of love, or unattractive to everyone on the planet. I'm sick of that crap with people too! Always hiding behind some fancy name for "cowardice." Or having such an severe sense of entitlement and inflated ego; that one rejection sends them spiraling into depression and emotional isolation. If you don't have a truly diagnosed mental-disorder, please...just allow yourself to warm-up to people enough for guys to know you're alive and in existence.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 February 2016):
 You are still very young so don't worry about never having being kissed or having a sexual relationship, believe me there is plenty of time. The only advice I can give you is to join clubs, take up hobbies, check out online dating see whats out there. Be open and friendly with people. Your time will come.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 February 2016):
 How does anyone find someone who wants them? By meeting and getting to know people, by making friends, by being part of social groups.
You are not alone, you have plenty of company in being 18, not having had sex or ever having been kissed.
Do you have friends or are you known as a loner in some way?
...............................
|
