A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How do people manage to move on from relationships? I was with my boyfriend for 4 years, from 16-20. Since january we have been on and off. We still love each other and get on brilliantly but i think he is a compulsive liar. He has lied about big things, eg drunkenly messaging girls, but i dont think anything has ever happened. The problem isnt the drunken message, we all send stupid texts when were drunk..his didnt even say anything bad just like 'are you still out xxxxx'...if he told me the next day and apolagised fine but he lies to my face for months and when confronted creates some elaborate story. He does this with everything and obviously you cant have a relationship with someone you dont trust. So we both need to move on but we find ourselves speaking all the time. The thought of him moving onto another girl is so depressing to me! And all my friends live far away (from university) and the local ones either work full time, have a baby or no money so cant come out with me when i need to take my mind off it! I know he is just a phonecall away so how do i stop myself making that call? (ps deleting his number is too easy we both do it but always end up getting it back).
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female
reader, Gorgeousgal  +, writes (14 May 2012):
Short answer......run like hell. He is your habit, and you think he is all you are worth. Permanently cut ALL contact with him, forever. Then start focusing on yourself, get to know yourself and why you would lower your standards this way. Take time, be on your own for a while, and treat yourself how you would want a man to treat you, and think about what qualities you want in a man that are not negotiable....if he doesn't measure up then he doesn't get you. But make sure you become the kind of woman that a high quality man would pursue. Some key words to think about might be integrity, honesty, dignity, ability to laugh at oneself....
A
female
reader, JessicaStarDust  +, writes (13 May 2012):
 You said it yourself,"you cant have a relationship with someone you dont trust" That's what you need to keep telling yourself. Take it one step at a time. Push farther and farther away from him.What you should think about is this, If he is willing to lie to about small and yes, even big things. Do you really want to be w/someone who has done this to you so many times? Marry this guy?Start family? Put HUGE responsibilities on his plate, if he is so willing to lie? Which he is. He will. AND he will KEEP DOING IT.I was in a relationship that was long but unsteady. He lied so much I use to say to him it was hard to tell which is his butt and face with all that hot air wasting. When we broke off (Which was hard yes, but well worth it) ALL of my friends and his sided with him. I mean "besties" from grade school sided with this thing... It was so hard. EVERYTHING reminded me of him. Songs,pictures,colors,smells,my house etc. I had to start over with everything. The only thing I had to push on was myself. Which is what you should do. Get up everyday and AVOID him like the plague, You can NOT keep being with someone who is like this. It will always lead to more heartbreak,tears,pain,sadness. Being with someone like that is unhealthy for you, your future, AND YOUR trust w/other people.Now, I know it stinks. Wanting to go out. No one to go with for all sorts of reasons. That should NOT be YOUR excuse. You should go out with yourself. Treat yourself, go to the pub or out to a movie. Have a spa day! TRUE it would be nice to have someone to come with you,but sometimes it can't always happen. I DO know staying inside by yourself,there will be no healing for you. (Although a night with the two best guys ever Ben AND Jerry is not a bad thing to do) I really hope for the best, please let us know if anything occurs.
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