A
female
age
41-50,
*fraid_to_tell
writes:Hi, I am 27 yrs old and I ended my 5 yr marriage 8 months ago. My family loved my ex husband and were upset that we're getting a divorce. We have 2 children a 4 yr old and a 2 yr old who live with me but he sees on weekends. We decided to end our marriage mutually, because we realized we were young when we got married and now grew into different poeple, wanting different things out of life. The last 2 years of of marriage were a struggle, neither of us had the courage to ask for a divorce but in our minds our marriage was over long ago. About 2 months before we divorced I met a new client through work and we became friends. I never once looked at him as anything more then a friend and we only seen each other for work related reason. Shortly after he found out I was getting a divorce, he asked me out for dinner as friends. He is 43 yrs old and also divorced with one child. Shortly after our first date we started spending alot of time together and both of us couldn't hide our feelings from each other. We have been dating 6 months now. He was living in a different city then me, I had once lived there myslef and had some friends still there. So 2 months ago I moved in with him. The only thing is none of my family not even my friends know about him. When my family comes to visit he leaves. I have met most of his family they were shocked that we were dating but most of them have since accepted it. With the holiday season coming up I dont know what to do. I want to spend the holidays with him and my family but I don't think my family will approve of him. Mainly because of his age. I hate lying to my family and want to come clean about it all but how do I do it so they are not upset with me for keeping it a secret? And how do I explain that regardless of our ages we are truly happy? He is wonderful to my kids, and they both adore him.
View related questions:
divorce, moved in, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Carrot2000  +, writes (23 November 2009):
 I don't think the age difference will be as much as a problem as the fact that you and your kids moved in with a man after six months of dating--this is what your family is going to have a problem with. Although you have moved on from your marriage, your family is still getting adjusted to the fact that someone who was around for 5 years is no longer part of the picture and may question why you are moving so fast. I think this is the real reason you've been so hesitant to introduce him to friends and family. Part of being a grown-up is understanding that everyone is not going to be happy with you and your decisions all the time and accepting that your family is entitled to their opinion about this man and your situation. However, you cannot let their opinions guide your life and if you're truly comfortable with your decision to move into this relationship,tell your family about him NOW to clear the air, but don't be surprised if they're not ready to invite him to the family dinner.
A
female
reader, bitch +, writes (22 November 2009):
I am going through something similiar to you and feel like you do about approval from my family. I am divorced and seeing a guy from work. I have been seeing him for about a year and still have not introduced him to my family as I am afraid they wont accept him because they did like my ex-husband and were shocked about our divorce. I feel like they won't accept my new man because he does not have the credentials/job or make the kind of money my ex did and he is from a somewhat poor family. I hate the fact that anybody would judge him because of what he does for a living or the money he makes but I know my family and i know what they expect and I am sure they would want me to find somebody who makes more money. I really love this guy and I am totally afraid of my families reaction when they meet him. I wish you a lot of strength and courage and hope you can find a way to let your family know how much he means to you and that he has become an important part of your life. Just like I want to do with my family on this holiday....keep me posted....
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2009): You have nothing to hide. I guess you are feeling guilty because your initial relationship went kerplunk and they may be angry at you because your kids may be all messed up at the moment! Just tell your folks before you visit that you have a new serious bf and that he will be accompanying you to the family get-together and that you expect them to be kind and civil to him. Life happens and the pieces have to be picked up. Probe your mind to find out why you have hesitated informing your friends and parents and respond accordingly. Perhaps, you don't know yourself why you have kept the new relationship secret but now want to make amends.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2009): Your old enough to make your own decisions and your family will just have to accept them. So what if there is an age difference as long as you both care for each other thats all that matters.
You should tell your family first without him being there and then once they have adjusted to the idea invite them round for dinner. As you have been married before, my advice to you would be not to rush into anything with this other man until you both know for definate that you are happy with each other.
...............................
|
