A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:We have been married for around 15 years and have had a good sex life. I'm around 42 and my wife is 40. I have started facing this problem - I find my wife's vagina very loose now. I do not get the same feeling in my penis now as I used to get earlier. How can it be tightened? Also do women find it offensive when this 'loose vagina' topic is spoken about? Please tell me how to tell my wife about this without making her feel bad.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (11 June 2015):
 1. Yes, women find it offensive.... and,
2. Keep your mouth shut and count your blessings....
Good luck....
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2015): you want to tell her that her vagina is loose!!She might just tell you she's going to look for a more compatible man with a bigger package and a six pack..
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (11 June 2015):
 The link that SoVeryConfused is a medical website and I am copy/pasting most of the article:
"The penis itself undergoes significant changes as a man moves from his sexual prime -- around age 30 for most guys -- into middle age and on to older age. Changes include:
Appearance. There are two major changes. The head of the penis (glans) gradually loses its purplish color, the result of reduced blood flow. And there is a slow loss of pubic hair. "As testosterone wanes, the penis gradually reverts to its prepubertal, mostly hairless, state," says Irwin Goldstein, MD, director of sexual medicine at Alvarado Hospital in San Diego and editor-in-chief of The Journal of Sexual Medicine.
Penis Size.Weight gain is common as men grow older. As fat accumulates on the lower abdomen, the apparent size of the penis changes. Ira Sharlip, MD, clinical professor of urology at the University of California, San Francisco, says, "A large prepubic fat pad makes the penile shaft look shorter."
"In some cases, abdominal fat all but buries the penis," says Ronald Tamler, MD, PhD, co-director of the Men's Health Program at Mount Sinai Hospital in New York City. "One way I motivate my overweight patients is by telling them that they can appear to gain up to an inch in size simply by losing weight."
In addition to this apparent shrinkage (which is reversible) the penis tends to undergo an actual (and irreversible) reduction in size. The reduction -- in both length and thickness -- typically isn't dramatic but may be noticeable. "If a man's erect penis is 6 inches long when he is in his 30s, it might be 5 or 5-and-a-half inches when he reaches his 60s or 70s," Goldstein says.
What causes the penis to shrink? At least two mechanisms are involved. One is the slow deposit of fatty substances (plaques) inside tiny arteries in the penis, which impairs blood flow to the organ. This process, known as atherosclerosis, is the same one that contributes to blockages inside the coronary arteries -- a leading cause of heart attack.
Goldstein explains that another mechanism involves the gradual buildup of relatively inelastic collagen (scar tissue) within the stretchy fibrous sheath that surrounds the erection chambers. Erections occur when these chambers fill with blood. Blockages within the penile arteries -- and increasingly inelastic chambers -- mean smaller erections.
As penis size changes, so does the size of the testicles. "Starting around age 40, the testicles definitely begin to shrink," Goldstein says. The testicles of a 30-year-old man might measure 3 centimeters in diameter, he says; those of a 60-year-old, perhaps measures only 2 centimeters.
Curvature. If penile scar tissue accumulates unevenly, the penis can become curved. This condition, known as Peyronie's disease, occurs most commonly in middle age. It can cause painful erections and make intercourse difficult. The condition may require surgery.
Sensitivity. Numerous studies have shown that the penis becomes less sensitive over time. This can make it hard to achieve an erection and to have an orgasm. Whether it renders orgasm less pleasurable is still an open question.
Experts say these changes need not ruin your erotic life. One recent study showed significant declines in erectile function, libido, and ejaculatory function in the men studied but only moderate decreases in sexual satisfaction. The study's authors concluded that, "Older men may be less likely to perceive these declines as a problem and be dissatisfied."
As Goldstein puts it, "The most important ingredient for a satisfying sex life is the ability to satisfy your partner. And that doesn't require peak sexual performance or a big penis."
-----end of excerpt----
So it's possible that your physical changes as you are aging may be what is causing you to experience a 'looser' feeling during intercourse. Perhaps both of you can work on your overall health, and include Kegel exercises as part of your regimen.
This article: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/all-about-sex/201109/the-rare-truth-about-tight-and-loose-women has a good discussion about it, from a scientific point of view. Here's a pertinent excert:
"Vaginal Looseness
After relaxing during sex, vaginal muscle tissue naturally contracts—tightens—again. Intercourse does NOT permanently stretch the vagina. This process, loosening during arousal and tightening afterward, happens no matter how often the woman has sex.
The vagina stretches a great deal during childbirth, like an accordion opened all the way. Post-partum does it re-tighten completely? Yes, usually, at least in young women, that is, women in their late teens and early twenties. Within six months after delivery, the typical young woman's vagina feels pretty much how it was before she gave birth.
Now for the two exceptions. If you stretch elastic a great deal, over time, it fatigues and no longer snaps back entirely. That can happen to the vaginas of young women after multiple births. Their vaginal muscles fatigue and no longer fully contract. In addition, aging fatigues vaginal muscle. Whether or not women have given birth, as they grow older, they may complain of looseness.
Today, many woman delay childbearing until after 30, and some have children after 40. Combine the rigors of older childbearing with the effects of aging on the vaginal muscles, and many women complain of looseness. Women who give birth after around 30 may notice persistent looseness after delivering only one child. Individual differences account for the fact that birth—and age—related looseness happens to some women and not others.
Here's a quick fix for vaginal looseness. Have intercourse in the man-on-top position. Once he inserts, he lifts himself up and the woman closes her legs. Her thighs squeeze his penis and make her feel tighter.
The tightening approach most often recommended by sex therapists is Kegel exercises. Kegels, named for the doctor who popularized them, involve contracting the muscles used to interrupt urine flow or squeeze out the last few drops.
Kegels do, indeed, tighten the vagina, but they have nothing to do with the vaginal muscles. They strengthen the pelvic floor muscles that surround the vagina, the hands that hold the stuffed sock. Age and childbearing fatigue these muscles. The hands don't grip the sock as tightly and the towel feels loose. Kegels tighten the pelvic floor muscles. The hands squeeze the sock, which clamps down on the towel, and the vagina feels tighter.
Kegels are totally private. They can be practiced anytime anywhere. Start slowly and over several weeks, work up to a half-dozen sets of 10 contractions several times a day. In a few months, you should feel tighter. You should also enjoy more intense orgasms. The pelvic floor muscles contract during orgasm. As they become stronger, so do orgasms.
If several months of daily Kegels don't produce the tight feeling you want, try ben-wa balls or vaginal cones. Ben-wa balls are sold as sex toys. Insert them, then walk around the house trying to keep them from falling out. When the pelvic floor muscles are weak, the balls drop out quickly, but as the muscles grow stronger, women can hold the balls inside longer. Vaginal cones are similar, except they're prescribed by physicians. (To obtain ben-wa balls, visit MyPleasure.com (link is external).
If vaginal cones don't work, electrical stimulation of the vaginal muscles is your last resort. A nurse inserts a probe similar to a tampon and a mild electrical current causes muscle contractions that make the vagina feel tighter. Treatments happen in a urologist's office during 20- to 30-minute sessions usually twice a week for about eight weeks.
Unfortunately, the mythology of vaginal tightness and looseness is deeply ingrained. I'll probably get nay-saying comments from people who swear that deflowering caused permanent loosening. I'm not about to argue with anyone's experience. I'm just describing the physiology.
-----end of excerpt----
Another interesting article: http://kinseyconfidential.org/wifes-vagina-feels-loose/ excerpted below:
"there are a number of factors that can influence how a woman’s vagina feels to her as well as to her partner.Vaginal lubrication is one of these.
Some women report feeling greater sexual arousal when they participate in physical exercise. If your wife has been engaging in exercise as part of her weight loss experience, it may be that the exercises have helped her to feel more sexually aroused and to lubricate more than she did before.
Greater vaginal lubrication can contribute to sex feeling more slippery and less tight.
If you and your wife enjoy sex with more friction, you could consider gently dabbing her and your genitals with a towel part way through sex, and then return to sex. I call this the “towel trick” and wrote about it and other sex tips more extensively in Because It Feels Good: A Woman’s Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction.
Keep in mind, though, that many women enjoy sex to feel very wet, as vaginal lubrication can help sex to feel more comfortable and pleasurable for women.
Sex Is Always Changing
As such, it’s a good idea to talk with your wife about how sex feels for her so that you can find ways to help sex feel pleasurable, meaningful and/or exciting for both of you.
Another possibility is that your wife may feel more excited or aroused recently, possibly in relation to her weight loss.
People can be happy, sexual and sexy in all sorts of different body shapes and sizes. However, if your wife feels more attractive when she’s thinner, then her weight loss may have helped her to feel sexier, which could also translate into greater sexual arousal, more vaginal lubrication, and similar outcomes as described earlier.
It’s also the case that the vagina can feel tighter or looser based on the strength of the pelvic floor muscles.
If your wife has been lifting weights in ways that have weakened her pelvic floor muscles, that may contribute to sex feeling different.
If she’s going through menopause or approaching it, the angle of the vagina itself changes as part of the normal process of aging which may also change how sex feels for you.
Your Body Could Be Changing Too
Finally, you didn’t mention your age but if you are somewhere around her age, I wonder if you’ve noticed changes in the strength or firmness of your erection.
It may be that her vagina and the way it lubricates haven’t changed one bit, but perhaps your erection may be less firm than it used to be—also a common experience related to aging for men—and maybe your genital fit has changed rather than her vagina per se.
Whatever the reason, sex feels different for you. I would ask you to consider if different is necessarily worse.
Sex is a bit of a moving target. It changes with life, with body changes, with age, and with relationship dynamics. It may be that sex feels different now than it used to be, but perhaps it still feels wonderful.
I would encourage you to think about ways to enhance sex, to be gentle and compassionate with one another, and to explore the changing ways you two experience sex together.
---end of excerpt.
I hope this more scientific background about vaginas and penises may help you decide whether or not to mention the change in sensation to your wife. I would say that what you are experiencing may be her now being more lubricated and your penis in its aging process. Best wishes!
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A
female
reader, jls022  +, writes (11 June 2015):
I don't think there is any way she won't be offended to be honest. That would be like her telling you your penis feels smaller recently and as such she is less satisfied - there's no way you can deliver a message like that without hurting the other person's feelings.
There are exercises you can do but they only help a limited amount, so why don't you experiment with different positions to see if others feel different? Or ask her to squeeze while you are having sex?
If none of that works and you do decide to approach the subject then you must be as gentle as possible and enforce the fact you are not blaming her or complaining. I would warn you though that something like that would kill my confidence and would put me off having sex altogether so that's also a possibility.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (11 June 2015):
 Yes it would be highly offensive to her.I suggest that you try a different approach. Help your wife to tone up with some fun love-making-in-progress exercises when the two of you are together for intimate times. It's a far more supportive approach and the two of you will have fun during the process.Ask her to cross her thighs and contract her gluteal muscles as hard as she can once you have entered her. Contract and hold, then relax and ask her to do that several times. You will feel it.Also ask her to cross her ankles in bed and hold her thighs as tightly together as she can while also contracting her gluteal muscles again. Bet you feel that one too. You will be boxed in. If any of the exercises hurt then say so but you should be able to feel the tension you are seekingAlso ask her to contact her pelvic floor as tight as she can and then relax. She should try to do multiple times during the time you enter her and continue to do this while you are enjoying love making. she can also do this exercise anywhere and no one will know she is doing it. It helps tone her private area.Also help her to replicate the squeeze that pushes you out and do your best to not be squeezed out, it will be a battle of wills to see if you can remain or be ejected.After six weeks of pelvic floor muscle contracting and releasing and the rest above then I doubt that you will be feeling as dissatisfied with her.Also pay a lot more attention to foreplay before you do enter her so that she sufficiently aroused to have one or several orgasms before you even begin to enter her. That way you will feel the involuntary squeezing of your member as she orgasms.Make it into a game and help her to take a very active role. That way you will both enjoy it, together.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2015): If you look at the anatomy of a vagina versus a penis you will Realise that the problem is more likely to be about you not getting as hard as you used to due to your age . A vagina is an amazing organ capable of expanding and shrinking like an accordion folder. It rarely becomes 'too loose' . Yet most men once they get to 40 lose rigidity of the penis and are nowhere near as hard as a man in his twenties
The vagina can get slightly looser occasionally after children but many men love that as it enables them to longer and satisfy their wives . However,men on the smaller size penis wise may have an issue.
Be very careful . If my husband complained about my vagina I would
Quickly be looking for a man who was happy with it
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 June 2015):
 are you sure that it's your wife's vagina getting "looser" and not your penis that is not as hard as it used to be and that is what's causing your wife's vagina to feel looser?
http://www.webmd.com/men/guide/life-cycle-of-a-penis
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2015): There's no way you can tell her this without offending her. Unless she is tough skinned!!
Pelvic floor muscle exercise are good for tightening. That's when you use muscles to stop your pee mid flow. (For women ) by contracting these muscles throughout the day it helps to strengthen the walls of the vagina
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2015): There are some exercises she may try, BUT in all honesty I don't know if they work. There's also a possibility of surgery. Now, it is difficult to talk about it because it's not her fault. It comes with ageing, giving birth... Maybe ony a small part is due to sedentary lifestyle and bad eating habits. How would you feel if she told you that your erections are not as firm as they used to be? They're still there, just not as strong. How would you have her approach this subject?I would check all the possibilities (google the problem) and possible costs before talking to her. Is she aware of that the muscles of her vagina have loosened up? Maybe she is and is experiencing some difficulties in your sex life as well. That could be your starting point. ALso, I hope that you already do this, but it is important to make your wife feel wanted (listen to her, be there for her, do thigs for her, go down on her...)Expect that she may feel hurt, humiliated, unwanted and scared (of growing old, you leaving her...), but ih she feels loved and wanted otherwise, these bad feelings won't be as strong.There are also some questions you have to answer for yourself before you talk to her. What if this is beyond repair? What if the remedy is too invasive (operation)? Or you simply haven't got the means to pay for it? Be honest with yourself and her.You well know that it is much harder for her than for you.I hope you two will get past this.
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