A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone. Thank you for reading my post.I am in a huge dilemma right now. I am 15 weeks pregnant and don't know how to tell my family. During the last year, I have had 2 abortions due to the fact that my boyfriend forced me to have those. The last one was really mentally painful. I had a medical abortion and to my shocking view,I saw the fetus :( this happened in October 2011. Now I am pregnant again and I gave my boyfriend and ultimatum to either stay with me or leave. He didnt want to keep the baby at first, but then he came through.The problem is that I have been with mye boyfriend for soon 6 years, and I havent even told mye parents about my boyfriend. Neither has he. I dont feel that I have an open relationship with my parents to tell them this. Now I am terrified. I dont know what to do.I kind of already feel like the black sheep in our family due to the fact that I didnt fulfill medical school as my parents wanted me to do. Now I am so scared that my parents will be rally dissapointed in me. I am now studying nursing, but still.. I am a mess. I am scared that I will be a disgrace to my family. Even if I live in Europe, I originate from SriLanka. This will be a huge tabu to my family and the whole sosiety will badmouth me and my family.How can I deal with this problem. I dont want to dissaboiint my parents. I am the elderst child in both parents family so this will be a huge issue for us.How can I tell my parents. What should I do. I will be 25 years this year and my boyfriend 26. Thank you for reading my post.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (11 April 2012):
 You are an adult. You should not be terrified of what you have to do, you should be capable of handling the situation. You being terrified makes me worried that you are in a controlling relationship where your boyfriend is abusive. He forced you to have the two previous abortions you say. No one can force you. You let him control you to do something you perhaps didn't want. You appear to also have given up on control over your own body in other ways, such as allowing sex without protection. You got pregnant three times for a reason, and I suspect you didn't use protection with your boyfriend. Probably because he didn't want to use protection?
You have also kept this relationship a secret for a reason. Are you ashamed of the relationship? Is this man not good to you? Is he perhaps someone you know you shouldn't be having such a relationship with? Or is it just that you and him are not married?
You coming from SriLanka explains a lot, but not enough. Is your boyfriend also from SriLanka? You are still living in Norway, where you have a safety net around you in forms of the social service (NAV) or your doctor and the hospital who can help you make decisions. You can apply for financial help at NAV. You can also ask for help to re-locate yourself. You can also call various help lines to ask for advice on what to do in your situation:
http://www.amathea.no/index.aspx?cat=1003
You can call Amathea as well, their phone number is listed on their home-page. They're a free service.
I think you need to first and foremost evaluate your situation and where you will live, how you will provide for a child etc. Then decide what you want to do with your boyfriend. I am not convinced that he is someone who will make your life easier, he sounds like he makes your life more difficult.
Talk to your parents when you feel ready to.
A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (11 April 2012):
 Hi
this is a bad situation and its going to be a difficult few months. if your keeping this baby then you have to tell your parents everything . Can you arrange a meeting with both sets of parents so you and your boyfriend can face everyone together giving the support you both need to come clean and hopefully come to a solution between you all
are you not allowed to use birth control ?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2012): Hi, you certainly do have a dilemma! So I would say that you should first introduce them to the fact you have a boyfriend, and see how they react, and then maybe introduce them to him, see how it goes, and then telling them about the pregnancy comes last.
What worries me more than the parents is the fact your boyfriend forced you to have the abortions and this time you gave him an ultimatum. Are you sure you are ready to be parents? You know better than me, but I really do think that if he is as ready as you, then if you love each other enough, you will be able to carry on without the parents approval, however I do think you should try first! Hope it all gets better!
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