A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need some advice. I currently live with my fiancé and everything is great. My family lives in a town close by about 45 minutes away. My dad got a job in the town we live in so he doesn't like the commute. He asked if he could stay at our place if he ever has to work late. I said yes of course but he has been staying over two times a week on average. This week he has stayed the past four days. He's not really an inconvienence but my fiancé and I can't do anything intimate because she is afraid he will hear us. Also, he is very religious so we can't really drink wine or beer with him there. How do I tell him it's too much? My fiancé and I are at the point in our lives where it should just be me and her, having a good time together. Once in a while is ok but it's too much... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Plexi  +, writes (24 October 2009):
 Thank you clarifying the situation. I am very sorry for misunderstanding..........You need to speak to your father (calmly) and explain to him that although you love him very much and want to help him out if he needs to crash over once in a while as long as he gives you notice, you and your fiancee also need to have some time to yourselves and work on building the foundation of your relationship. Ask him where he would sleep if you didn't live in the city and tell him that perhaps he can stay with you 1-2 nights a week( you pick the number you feel ok with) but you would be very appreciative if he could stay there the rest of the nights.
Good luck to you all 3 of you:)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2009): I posted the question so just wanted to clarify. This has been going on for two weeks and the thing is that the first week it was two days, this time it was four, and my parents and siblings just come over sometimes unannounced and if they do let me know it's not asking - it's more like telling me, "oh and we will be in town so we are gonna stop by..."
if this was temporary it wouldn't be a big deal. But my dads job is permanent so I don't see it stopping any time soon. Plus, when I said yes I did it with the understanding it would be every once in a while. Not every week, four times a week.
My fiancé and I don't have time during the day. She works 8-5 and I work 12-10pm shifts. So by the time I get home; she is already going to bed. Also, I am off during the week, and she is off weekends. So on the weekend I go to work at noon. And during the week she works till five and when she gets home my dad is already there.
I just want some advice on how to tell him it's too frequent...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2009): I disagree.... He's taking advantage of you. When he asked, I suspect that you had NO IDEA that he'd move in for over 50% of the time... 4 days at your place, 3 at his. This is too much, AND to allow him to force his views on you- sorry, that's an invasion of your privacy.I would explain to him that you need your space and that while you love him that this is your home and you need room to grow. An occasional weekend visit is fine, but you have a new roommate that you didn't expect.I think that he's enjoying himself, and probably completly understands that he's derailing you sex life. Send him home, where he can force his control on others... your mother may not be too happy, but she married him.
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A
female
reader, Plexi +, writes (23 October 2009):
Hasked you first ans you said yes..........you should've thought before you commited. He is your father(family) not a stranger. you and your fiancee can be intimate and play during the day and on weekends. as far as the drinking goes can you not drink while he's around out of respect for him? He's an old man, he knows what it's like to be young and "frustrated", he understands very well what you guys are doing for him. Rhis will not last forever, just try to be kind to him and work around it. You will be glad you helped him out once he's gone. Once you guys actually get married then you can talk to him and try to find alternative accommodations for your father but untill then just be kind and try to put your father before getting some. I understand how you feel but this will not last forever and being kind especially to you family is so much more important.
Good luck........hope all works out
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