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female
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anonymous
writes: I currently work in an office and am very good friends with one of the assistant managers. I feel I can tell him anything, speak to him anytime, and take comfort and security from his presence. I have had deep feelings for him in the back of my mind for ages, but I had been putting them back into my head and trying to forget about them - thinking I couldnt get imvolved with a bloke from work. However these feelings are all too strong and I have now contemplated these feelings for months and now I can cope. Evey time I see him I feel myself bubble with a sense of security and love. I crave being in his presence and will do anything to be around him more often. I am sure he has some idea but I need to let him now my feelings. I do know that he is married. His marriage from what he has told me is not as stable as he would like. I know a lot about his home life and him me also. We can talk on a very intimate and personal level when we are alone (what I mean is that I could tell him everything, anything. We are on first name terms and know all about each others families and I could give you his whole life history, just like he could tell you what I do outside of work and my friendships!!! Sort of the friendship 2 best friends have. For example when his wife phones I'll tell him it is his wife by her name whereas others will just say it's his wife as they do not know her name.) but when others are around us we pretend that we are no more friends than with anyone else. When we are alone anything he says things that have a very connotational meaning to it, and therefore this adds to the tense atmosphere that I feel myself suspended in a bubble with. Although it is in both of our natures to have a laugh and a joke he never speaks to anyone else in this sort of way. People below us have commented that we get on very well together but nothing more than that has been said. I tried to play down the comment as a rumur but deep down i believe he knew the truth as much as me. When we are left on our own in the office it is commented by others that not much work has been done as we can chat all day long.A lot of my other friends at work are below him and as a consequence see him on a different level as he deligates to them, a different kind of relationship to the work one i have with him, so consequently grow to hate or like him depending on the job that they are given. As a result i have not confided in one of them for fear it working its way around and coming from one of them to him rather than myself. I suppose this is probably one of the reasons that i have so many things floating around my head.The idea of a night out is a way that I could speak to him in a more relaxed atmosphere but what do we do, what should I say? I am very shy in myself and lack self confidence. However being around him gives me a boost I still would be quivering in my boots trying to find the right words.When in his presence I feel a sence of security and respect. I sit in his chair at his desk when he is not there, and take compfort in the smell of his jacket. He has also asked me to write out one of his notes for his desk as he said I have such neat handwriting and it reminds him of our friendship.Do you see where I have the problem? When we are alone we are great friends, yet when others are present it's as if eveything is hidden by an invisable mask. It is getting to the point where we are laughing more with each other when others are around and as a consequence getting moaned at for our lack of concentration. You many have noticed that there is an age gap of 6 or 7 years between us. This does not bother me but I am unsure whether it does to him.How do I tell one of my assistant managers that I enjoy his company and friendship in a very special way??? How do I act with him around others??? My head is just a total mess with questions and emotions floating around that I can't think straight. I am consequently left not knowing what to think or do. Some advice would be very grateful.Thanks. Emotion87
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, becky05 +, writes (20 July 2005):
I think you are making more of this situation than is really there.
It sounds to me like this man is just being friendly towards you. Nothing more.
Also note that he is married so you should stay well away.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2005): Get another job as far away from this man as possible. He's married! And you have to get any thoughts of this leading into an intimate relationship out of your head and fast. You are playing with fire, girl...believe me when I say this...in the end you will be deeply hurt and you will devastate innocent people's lives...mainly his wife and his children.(it's likely he has kids) Go find a man who is unattached and live a happy life.
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