A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I went on a date with his guy and I don’t know how to tell him I don’t want to peruse a relationship with him.We met in a bar exchanged numbers and he asked me out on a date. We meet up and everything is fine but about an hour into the date, he gets really ‘romantic’. First we went to a shopping mall, so I’m browsing and all of a sudden he’s rubbing my shoulders, I shrugged it off and we carried on, then as we were walking he holds my hand (which he done all day). I did not mind the hand-holding but when we were looking at places to eat he got a bit more full on. I was browsing a menu board and he comes up behind me and places his arms around my waist, i jumped and felt really uncomfortable, this went on throughout the date. I must admit i am a very shy person in these situations, and i did not know what to do, i have never been in a situation where a guy is so full on on the first date. Later on in the evening, all he wanted to do was make out with me, any opportunity to try to kiss me. I did not know how to approach this situation, so I just tried to avoid looking at him so he would not try it on. He also mentioned about seeing me again, to which I was vague and unresponsive; I was trying to let him know it was over but he was not getting the hint. Despite the whole thing he is a nice guy, but I don’t want things to go further, He messaged me last night on Facebook to see how I was, but I did not reply. How do I tell him nicely that won’t be taking things any further?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2013): Hey thank's for all the advise. Tisha, hey thanks. Well he asked me how I was on fb and i just gave him one word replies in a nice way. I think he's got the message, but if he does go further I will polietly tell him the things you mentioned and leave it there. thanks again for all the advice :)
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (10 July 2013):
 So how are things going, did you manage to do what you needed to do?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (9 July 2013):
 Hinting isn't going to work.
I would just be honest and tell him, you just didn't feel you two clicked. I would honestly also tell him that you felt he came on a little too strong for a first date, he might learn to tone it down for another girl.
I think if you had felt chemistry with him it wouldn't have mattered as much that he was forward, this was your gut telling you, this guy isn't for you. LISTEN to your gut.
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (9 July 2013):
 Say thank you for the dates, but you don't feel enough interest for another one. Simple, non-offensive.
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A
female
reader, theres_always_a_loophole +, writes (8 July 2013):
 Keep this in mind if you're worried about coming off as rude: It's more rude to say nothing, and leave him wondering than it is to just tell him how you feel.
Tell him you're not interested because he came on too strong on the first date. Let him know how uncomfortable it made you. If he doesn't understand, that's his problem not yours.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (8 July 2013):
And you might be doing womanhood and him a huge favor by letting him know he came on far too strong. Just saying.
One of the reasons you feel so uncomfortable is because what you have to do feels 'mean.' It isn't mean to be honest about your feelings and reaction to his actions. You may find life easier to navigate if you are able to speak your mind, politely, of course, but with confidence of your own integrity.
Does that make sense?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (8 July 2013):
'Hey, Brian, thanks for messaging me, I guess I need to tell you that dating isn't going to be happening between us any longer. If you want to know why, it's because you came on too hot and too heavy and made me uncomfortable and it's put me off dating you. Take care."
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"Hi Brian, this is one of those difficult messages to write [or difficult conversations to have, if you say this in person]. Now that I have said that, I guess you know what I'll be saying next. It isn't going to happen between us, alas. Some things just aren't meant to be. Sorry if this disappoints you, I wish you well in life."
Then unfriend him after a day or so and block him.
P.S. He's not really a nice guy if he's getting this hot and heavy on your first date. He's kind of a creepo. So don't feel too badly about 'letting him down.'
Just woman up, do what you need to do and don't feel his 'disappointment' is your responsibility to manage.
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